When a Criminal Defense Attorney Does Stand-Up – Vince August – Unmic’d

When a Criminal Defense Attorney Does Stand-Up – Vince August – Unmic’d

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– Hi, everybody, Vince
August, stand up comedian, warm up comic for
“The Daily Show.” People worry about
dying on stage. I literally worried
about dying on stage. (upbeat funk music) I was an attorney working for a high-profile
criminal defense firm. We’re handling
racketeering cases involving organized
crime, and listen, some of the people were afraid to come into court to testify
against these clients. Now, if you’re afraid to
testify against clients when you have FBI and
all kinds of security, I don’t have security. My security is the
dude checking in people at the club door. And if you’re
representing somebody, and they find out that, rather
than working on their case, you’re telling jokes at night, you might have a fucking
problem later on. One of these clients
was accused of, well, it’s actually
found guilty, of killing his
father with an ax. If you’re able to kill
your father with an ax, yeah, you’re pretty
much not gonna care about killing your
lawyer with anything else that you may find,
especially when you’re facing 20 years in jail. I’m not that hard to find in terms of where I am, so if I’m using my real name, and I’m putting on
Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, hey, you can
find me here tonight, literally, a hit man
is putting your name and the address of
the club into a GPS. I might as well load the
gun for him at that point. So I’m like, oh my god,
what name do I use? So the only thing that came to my head was first
name, middle name. So I’m like, hey, Vince August. I went with it, Vince August. It’s nice, it’s
quick, it’s clean. Then I started going
around to clubs, and everyone’s
like, Vince August? Dude, that’s your real name? That sounds like
a porn star name. Great, now I have
a porn star name. I don’t even look
like a porn star. I was definitely porn star-like in some type of weird
uncle situation, you know, something
really uncomfortable, because, when you
have a porn star name and you look like this, you’re
not having straight sex. You’re having some type of
weird fucking sibling sex, some type of necrophiliac shit. That’s what I had to live with. I had to keep these
two different names and these
personalities separate, so whenever my phone would ring, I’d be like, “Uh, yeah,
what are you calling about?” Comedy, completely
different attitude. And one day, it
gets really crazy, they make me a fucking judge. When you stand on a stage, and you’re sitting on a bench, and you’re looking out, the
first moment you get there, it’s pretty much the
same reaction to you. The only difference is,
one crowd leaves laughing, the other one, yeah,
they’re not so happy with you all the time. So I’m on stage one night
at Gotham Comedy Club in New York City, and I get off, and I had a really good set, and who comes walking
out of the audience but a judge that I appear
before regularly as an attorney. “Hey, I thought that was you.” Shit, I can fake my name, but I can’t fake
what I look like, and he’s fucking
looking right at me, so at that point, I was snagged. And he’s like, “Why
didn’t you say anything, “that you were doing
this this whole time?” I’m like, “Well, if
I came into court, “and you knew I was
doing comedy at night, “I don’t think you would
take me that serious.” He was like, “What
are you, kidding me?” He goes, “I like you
even better now.”

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