Trump Visits North Carolina, Batman’s Penis – Monologue

Trump Visits North Carolina, Batman’s Penis – Monologue

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-Let’s get to the news. President Trump visited
North Carolina today to see damage caused by
Hurricane Florence. And I’m sure if another
hurricane hits Puerto Rico, he’ll also go to North Carolina. President Trump, yesterday,
released a video thanking first responders of
Hurricane Florence and said this. -This is a tough Hurricane. One of the wettest
we’ve ever seen, from the standpoint of water. -Oh, my God. I mean… talking about the weather
is what people do when they know
they’re bad at talking and don’t want to
embarrass themselves, and you still screwed it up. [ As Trump ] So, how about
this weather we’re ham sandwich? Damn it! [ Normal voice ]
While touring Hurricane damage in North Carolina today,
President Trump reportedly congratulated
a resident on having a stranger’s boat
wash up in his yard, saying, “At least you got
a nice boat out of the deal.” Dude, you don’t get to just keep
things that wash up onshore, even though
I’m assuming that’s probably how you got Steve Bannon. “Where am I? I was on a
Fourth of July party boat. Where am I?” President Trump
spoke this morning about the process
of negotiations with North Korean leader
Kim Jong-Un, saying, “He’s calm. I’m calm.
We’ll see what happens.” Well, that
instills a lot of confidence. Me? Me? Why, I’m as calm as
North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un. That’s like bragging you’re
as smart as Betsy DeVos. Which you’re not. Sony announced, today,
it will release a new version of its original console,
called the PlayStation Classic, nearly 25 years after
its original release. To give you an idea
of how long that’s been, this is what Sonic the Hedgehog
looks like now. Today was National Talk Like
a Pirate Day. Okay. Arrgh… Kelly should be in prison. Matey. DC Comics has put out
a new issue titled “Batman: Damned #1” that appears to show
Bruce Wayne’s penis exposed. Well, I just
have to say I’m glad his parents
aren’t alive to see this. [ Laughter ] Thank God that’s not our
last joke about Batman’s penis. That’s right. DC Comics has put out
a new issue of “Batman” that appears to show
Bruce Wayne’s penis exposed. I’m not saying it
was impressive, but this was the sky tonight. That’s right. DC Comics has put out
a new issue of “Batman,” which appears to show
Bruce Wayne’s penis exposed. Said Batman,
“B-before you judge, I-I was fighting Mr. Freeze.” Yeah, a collection. A collection of
Batman penis jokes for you.

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