My Netflix and No Chill Story

My Netflix and No Chill Story

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I got this friend. Lauren girl is super gorgeous. But we never taking it there. You know, we were just friends. We’re homies She’s in her 20s she lives with her mom, her parents divorced cuz she says her dad is like Cuckoo for cocoa puffs and some of you guys are in this situation where you’re out with your other Friends and they’re always like: “Yo, what’s up with you and so-and-so?” like that’s me and Lauren, you know, she’s super gorgeous, But we’re just homies. So one night look around one o’clock in the morning. I’m laying around in my spongebob underwear Yes, that’s important to the story! And I get this text from Lauren and she was like hey My mom went out of town and I’m home alone Can you come over? Now, I don’t know about some of y’all supermodels But it takes me like hours to wash all this ugly off my face so I’m not trying to go anywhere. Now any normal functioning red-blooded human boy, would look at this text and be like, “Hehehehe. It’s bout to go down!” but me and Lauren are just homies, Right? So I’m thinking bout’ this for a good like four minutes, and I haven’t text back yet And I think she could sense me about to be like “Nah.” Then she sends another text saying: Just come over and we can watch some Netflix So now I’m like (Singing, badly) My mind’s tellin’ me noooooooo, But my body, my booodyyyy is telling me yessss! So now I’m in the car, at ONE THREE O AM. Driving to this girl’s house. Pull up in her driveway. We’re on her couch watching Netflix, and I knowwww Nothing’s, goin’, down, cuz we’re homies All of a sudden her dog runs to the glass patio door and starts freaking out like: “RUFF RUFF ROOF ROOF ARGHHH!!” It’s not like that regular barking, it’s that deep, “Something’s going on out here” barking right, but she’s got a fence, so I’m assuming Ain’t nobody back there some raccoon or something just jumped, whatever she opens up the blinds nothing’s back there She closes the blinds, comes back over to the couch. We finished watching the movie. So the movie ends. I look at my phone It’s FOUR AM. It’s time… to go. “Lauren. Alright I’m out.” She’s kind of sleepy. So we stand we hug, I walk myself to the front door, open it, and there’s a truck, in the street Parked blocking my car in the driveway “Uh, there’s a white truck out here blocking my car.” -Gasp- “Oh my god! It’s my dad!” There is a very crucial part of the story that I intentionally left out Remember that part earlier when I was like, yeah, her parents divorce cuz her dad is cuckoo for cocoa puffs Laurens told me stories about her dad and her parents and why they broke up she says her dad can be very irrational Super controlling like tracks her on GPS. He’s a gun fanatic and He’s RACIST. So my first question to Lauren is “Umm, Do you think he has his gun on him?” “He definitely has his gun on him.” “Oh! Okay, this is how I die.” I could’ve been home having a romantic dinner for one in my spongebob tighty whities watching PLL, but nooo “Okay, Lauren Here’s what needs to happen, youuuu Need to go outsideee and Tell him move his car.” “I’m not gonna go out there! He’ll kill me!” “Mira! What do you think he’s gonna do to me?!” So 30 seconds later. She goes outside and starts talking to him. Guys I am totally Defenseless, I got no form of protection on me. I give it a good like three minutes, I peek through the window to check the Situaaa (Situation) and her dad has moved his truck forward a little bit. “It’s now or never!” I go to step toward the door, but my feet Don’t want to move like survival instincts kick in and I’m trying to get hyped I’m like “Yeah yeah you got this” “You ain’t going out like no Punk. You got this.” I kick open the door. Boom! WAKANDA FOREVER! And I start walking to my car. “You’re almost there just a few steps away…” So I’m halfway to my car and then her dad goes. “Hey! What’s your name?” (Girly voice) adan- (Clears throat) Adande gg! Gotta go bye. Once I get in that car My car looked like the DeLorean at the end of back to the future cuz I flew out of there! (Rocket sounds) Needless to say, Me and Lauren haven’t hung out since this night. And to any of you girls who ever hit me up in the future talking about some “Come over and watch a movie” When I pull up in your spot with a full tactical gear and a rocket launcher on deck don’t be looking all conflused. (Static) “So my new teammate here, uhhh” (Idk, I couldn’t understand him) (Blah blah blah blah) “-Is a no-show.” “Do we get the million dollars if we win?” “Nah, I’d give that to charity.” “I mean, we-we got SniperWolf over here,” There’s this up-and-coming player ninja he’s-” (Cuts off) Bye bye! ๐Ÿ™‚

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