Law & Order: Robert Mueller Unit

Law & Order: Robert Mueller Unit

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YOU KNOW WHO
WAS ALSO THERE AT THE U.N. TODAY, BECAUSE THEY’RE THERE
EVERY YEAR. TRUMP’S BUDDIES FROM RUSSIA. AND THERE ARE STUNNING NEW
DEVELOPMENTS IN THE INVESTIGATION. WE LEARNED OVER THE WEEKEND THAT
TRUMP LAWYERS ARE CLASHING OVER HOW MUCH TO COOPERATE WITH THE
RUSSIA INQUIRY. IF ONLY THOSE TRUMP LAWYERS WERE
AROUND WHEN DECIDED HOW MUCH TO COOPERATE WITH RUSSIA. RUSSIA FANS! NO, THAT’S ALL RIGHT. ♪ ♪ ♪
>>Stephen: NO SABER DANCE. NO SABER DANCE. THIS BATTLE PITS WHITE HOUSE
COUNSEL AND BASS PLAYER OF YOUR DAD’S BAND, DONALD GOING MAN,
AGAINST TRUMP’S PERSONAL LAWYER AND MAN-LEADING ZEPPELIN RACE TO
SIAM, TY COBB. COBB WANTS TO GIVE MUELLER AS
MANY DOCUMENTS AS POSSIBLE IN HOPES OF GETTING THE
INVESTIGATION OVER WITH, WHILE McGANN WORRIES ABOUT “SETTING A
PRECEDENT THAT WOULD WEAKEN THE WHITE HOUSE LONG AFTER MR.
TRUMP’S TENURE IS OVER.” YES, THAT’S HOW TRUMP’S GOING TO
WEAKEN THE WHITE HOUSE: TOO MUCH HONESTY. ( LAUGHTER )
THAT IS KIND OF INTERESTING NEWS. HOW DID WE LEARN THIS? HOW DO WE KNOW THIS IS TRULY
TRUE? WELL,LY LEARNED IT STRAIGHT FROM
THE MOUTH OF TRUMP LAWYER AND FRONTIER DENTIST
WHO’S ALL GUSSIED UP FOR THE BARN DANCE, TY COBB. A “NEW YORK TIMES” REPORTER
OVERHEARD COBB TALKING ABOUT THE RUSSIA PROBE AT A WASHINGTON
STEAKHOUSE. EITHER THAT, OR THE REPORTER
CONFUSED COBB WITH THE STEAKHOUSE’S MASCOT. HOW CARELESS IS THIS GUY? YOU’RE A LAWYER MOUTHING OFF IN
PUBLIC WHERE ANYONE CAN HEAR YOU? THAT’S LIKE YOUR THERAPIST GOING
OUT IN THE WAITING ROOM AND ANNOUNCING “GUESS WHO’S HAVING
SEX DREAMS ABOUT HIS COUSIN AGAIN?”
PRETTY RACY STUFF.” ( LAUGHTER )
BUT RUNNING HIS MOUTH IN PUBLIC ISN’T THE BIGGEST MISTAKE MADE
BY TRUMP LAWYER AND WILFRED BRIMLEY TRIBUTE HEAD, TY COBB. COBB’S BIGGEST BLUNDER IS THAT
THE STEAKHOUSE IS “ON THE SAME BLOCK AS ‘THE NEW YORK TIMES’
WASHINGTON BUREAU.” IT’S 171 STEPS AWAY FROM THE
WASHINGTON BUREAU OF THE “NEW YORK TIMES.” DON’T GO TO THE SAME PLACE THAT
PEOPLE EAT WHO ARE OUT TO GET YOU. 3
THAT’S LIKE SHAVING IN A SHARK TANK WHILE WEARING A VEST OF
PORK CHOPS. AND THIS IS HUGE. THIS IS HUGE. WE ALSO JUST LEARNED THAT THE
GOVERNMENT WIRE TAPPED FORMER TRUMP CAMPAIGN CHAIRMAN PAUL
MANAFORT, BEFORE BEFORE AND AFTER THE ELECTION. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
SURE, SURE, ABSOLUTELY. YOU APPLAUD UNTIL THEY WIRETAP
YOU. ( LAUGHTER )
THIS MEANS MANAFORT WAS UNDER FEDERAL INVESTIGATION WHEN HE
INTERVIEWED TO BECOME TRUMP’S CAMPAIGN MANAGER. “MR. MANAFORT, WHAT WOULD YOU
SAY IS YOUR BIGGEST WEAKNESS?” “WELL, SOMETIMES I THINK I WORK
TOO HARD. OH, AND TREASON.” NOW, WE ALREADY– MANAFORT FANS
HERE TONIGHT, EVIDENTLY. WE ALREADY KNEW THE F.B.I. CONDUCTED A PREDAWN RAID OF
MANAFORT’S HOUSE BACK IN JULY, BUT NOW WE’VE LEARNED THAT
INSTEAD OF KNOCKING, “FEDERAL AGENTS PICKED THE LOCK ON HIS
FRONT DOOR,” WHICH REQUIRED “PROSECUTORS TO PERSUADE A
FEDERAL JUDGE THAT MR. MANAFORT WAS LIKELY TO DESTROY EVIDENCE.” WE’RE NOT SURE WHAT THEY PRESENT
TO THE JUDGE TO PROVE THAT, BUT I’M GOING TO SAY IT WAS THIS
PICTURE. ( LAUGHTER )
“WHO’S THAT?” ( APPLAUSE )
THOSE DOCUMENTS? YES, I THINK I LEFT THEM IN THE
FURNACE ROOM. I’LL BE RIGHT BACK. NOW, IF THIS SEEMS LIKE AN
AGGRESSIVE INVESTIGATION, ACCORDING TO ONE EXPERT,
MUELLER IS “SETTING A TONE. IT’S IMPORTANT EARLY ON TO
STRIKE TERROR IN THE HEARTS OF PEOPLE IN WASHINGTON.” YEAH, YOU’VE GOT TO SET A TONE
EARLY IN WASHINGTON. THAT’S WHY, ON THE FIRST DAY OF
THE SESSION, MITCH McCONNELL WALKS UP TO THE BIGGEST GUY IN
THE SENATE AND SHIVS HIM. ( LAUGHTER )
YEAH. YEAH. OR ELSE MITCH IS SWEET MEAT,
MAN. YEAH. THEY’RE MAKING TURTLE SOUP. ( LAUGHTER )
LEGAL EXPERTS — LEGAL EXPERTS– IT’S NOT A METAPHOR. IT’S ACTUAL SOUP. LEGAL EXPERTS SAY MUELLER’S
INVESTIGATION IS “MOVING WITH UNUSUAL SPEED.” OKAY, THAT’S NICE. HERE’S THE THING. WE DON’T NEED “UNUSUAL SPEED.” WE NEED HIGH SPEED. WE NEED MAXIMUM WARP. I’M TALKING, I’M TALKING–
( APPLAUSE ) CAN TH”STAR TREK” CALL BACK IS T
WHAT THAT IS. I’M TALKING “LAW & ORDER” SPEED,
LIKE THIS:>>SIR, I CAN ASK YOU A FEW
QUESTIONS?>>OF COURSE. FRUIT STAND’S OPEN AT 2:00 A.M.,
JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE’S.>>WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT A MAN
NAMED PAUL MANAFORT?>>MANAFORT? NEVER HEARD OF HIM. OH, WAIT. WAS A GUY COME BY LAST WEEK WITH
HIS BUDDY– DON’T REMEMBER THE NAME. BLOND HAIR, PRESIDENT OF THE
UNITED STATES. LAST NAME CLUMP, OR DUMP,
SOMETHING LIKE THAT. ANYWAY, ON HIS WAY OUT, HE
LEAVES BEHIND THIS FILE LABELED, “SECRET RUSSIA COLLUSION PLAN.” DON’T ASK ME. I’M JUST A GUY UNLOADING
CANTALOUPES.”>>GUILTY. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>Stephen: WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.

100 thoughts on “Law & Order: Robert Mueller Unit

  • John Doe 878393719 Post author

    All you fascists are going to burn in Hell. No one takes Russia but the Mongols. You will all drown in your own blood like the Galicians!

  • Lord Fluffykinz Post author

    Sometimes I wonder about the grand-parents and great-grand parents who had to live in the shadow of the communist threat every day.
    After the greatest generation stopped the nazi and imperialist threat, and then facing down a cold cold war, they now have to deal with a generation they spawned marching to defend confederate monuments shouting antisemitic and other racist chants, and thinking its no big deal and actually a good thing if the US president actively colluded with Russia.

  • Brandon Beard Post author

    RUSSIANS! RUSSIANS, EVERYWHERE!

  • Don Rutter Post author

    Mueller, Dixia mafia.

  • I'm right you're wrong Post author

    What a lame audience.

  • Eli Jeschke Post author

    It is hard to know how to react to shit like this. On the one hand, I'm happy that there's evidence that Paul Manafort was colluding because duh. On the other, it is kinda watergatey to spy on a member of the political opposition. Then again, he may very well have been committing treason…I honestly don't know that I can think in one direction or another about this. I will be happy if (hopefully when) all the treason shit comes to the surface and the people are rightfully punished for the harm they've done to America, but our country has been tainted by every single part in this. Don't misunderstand me, I still think the treasoneers are unequivocally the bad guys here. But…eeuuughhh. Like catching a fish in a net made of shit.

  • David Vasquez Post author

    HOW THE FUCK DO YOU APPLAUD WIRETAPPING!?¡

  • Michael Feldman Post author

    I would watch an entire season-long marathon of Trump-themed Law & Order parody-episodes. That was hilarious. The SVU ones would be too dark though…

  • hillary ilinsky Post author

    colbert is the biggest a-hole on the the air.

  • James A. Delancey Post author

    Ahahahahahahahaha 🙂

  • polymetric Post author

    Tye Cobb is an off-brand Wilford Brimley

  • 1Pun Babe Post author

    Don't ask me, i'm just a guy unloading cantaloupes

  • jeffw1267 Post author

    Why don't you throw out another false accusation, then nothing will come of it, then you can throw out ANOTHER one next week. Rinse and repeat.

  • Gisella Romina Amoroso Post author

    it's not funny Colbert
    so glad you think it is. it's meu lar. not mall her

  • CJusticeHappen21 Post author

    Are we sure that Uncle 'Stache isn't just trying to get out of this?

  • Luke Pennings Post author

    You made the golden globes all about politics.

  • Accelr8r Post author

    He needs to take time so he can get all the cronies in the white house trump hired, otherwise they stay when he's gone and that's not much better.

  • Tzisorey Tigerwuf Post author

    Does that mean that Trump was right about the surveillance "tapp"?
    Trump was right about something? D:
    Well, I suppose a broken clock is right twice a day…

  • Mark Rowell Post author

    I find it unlikely that Stephen hasn't seen John Mulaney's law and order bit about the guy unloading crates, but they seem like friends so I'm inclined to believe it's homage.

  • LAVATORR Post author

    No matter how brief that SVU skit was, there's always a 1 in 3 chance that Trump will voluntarily Tweet something that's even more incriminating than SECRET RUSSIAN COLLUSION PLAN

  • Kunal Shah Post author

    What a shit eco chamber news. It's hard to believe anything this guy says. What a cherry picker.

  • B V Post author

    Does this dude talk about anything other than Trump

  • Moxy O'Onyx Post author

    Thats good monologue!

  • iiiekl3 Post author

    If you're lawyers are talking about how much info to release, that simply means through simple logic you're guilty because you have something to hide. Can we Please, PLEASE, impeach the orange goblin and his republican cronies already? It used to be daily stuff came out about this, but it's weekly now. Can we PLEASE get a re-election going and give us the president the PEOPLE voted for? Like can we put all of our scientific efforts into Star Wars' warp speed but for prosecution? Didn't putin straight up admit this?

  • BizWiz Post author

    Oh Trumpty Dumpty and his little Trumpaloompas.

  • marhonek47 Post author

    GUILTY

  • Jean Roch Post author

    They must have had a lot of fun coming up with all those Cobb jokes 🙂

  • Luke Taylor Post author

    Wait- was that Troy Baker? Or am I missing my glasses?

  • Ronda Hartin Post author

    I wouldn't mind the ads so much if they would actually load, play and get done. But they sit and spin so long I get frustrated, and move on

  • oli godendrocyte Post author

    tyt had a good perspective… go to media hot spot and get them on your side to push out the people who want to draw out his illegal activities

  • Cami H Post author

    You guys remember when Trump accused Obama of wiretapping him and some of his associates… well, I guess he was actually on to something, minus the Obama part.

  • Johny Kidd Post author

    Jesus fucking christ how dumb is that audience? WOOO WIRETAPPING! YAY! INFRINGEMENT ON PERSONAL PRIVACY! WOOOOOOOO! Absolute fucking seals. ARF ARF ARF

  • Mathys Morin Post author

    Soldier African-American block tissue wage modern fitness diminish picture

  • Dog_ _Backwards Post author

    The problems with treason:
    1, It's fun
    2, it's sexy
    3, & it's here.

  • Tony Marsh Post author

    Well hopefully Special Agent D. Cooper wasn't assigned. He tends to wander off… into different dimensions.

  • Leslie P Post author

    The feds had a warrant and have been listening since before the election. Treason is a capital crime. I'm ok with Mueller being thorough, even if it takes a little longer.

  • Burdie Birdie Post author

    The highest ratings and crowds Trump might ever attract is when they march him into a congressional hearing and lay out all the evidence against him, after which they impeach him and place him under arrest…

  • Jonathon Camp Post author

    Is it just me or does Ty Cobb look Like Bill Murray from The Grand Budapest Hotel?

  • Belal Post author

    INVESTIGATION HELD ON MY BIRTHDAY

  • Navid Khan Post author

    They should make ''The Wire 2'' with Trump Admin…Bunk n McNulty b on some paper trail!!

  • Drace90 Post author

    Yeah Mueller, hurry up like the Law and Order guys! I want this done in 40 minutes!

  • PfhUkJiu101 Post author

    Ameritards need to learn how to pronounce "Müller" right.

  • Rüzgar Longshanks Post author

    2:58 is that an accidental jack nicholson impression?

  • Jamie Taylor Post author

    early shock intellectual greatest hi rest expertise slice.

  • Jake Viveros Post author

    So desperate, I really do enjoy drinking the tears of liberals cheers!

  • okrajoe Post author

    I miss the days of Zeppelin races.

  • JOHNDOE Post author

    get 'um. mueller!

  • Jasmine Houston-Burns Post author

    Probably my favorite Law & Order episode

  • Aech Tee Post author

    4:45 LUDICROUS SPEED!!! GO!!!

  • US Patriots Unite! Post author

    The government is allowed to pick locks and knock doors down and spy on you, if you're a criminal. That's the whole point of the court system Colbert…

  • DonToke808 Post author

    High stakes zeppelin race…. I'm going to be laughing all day

  • troglodite30 Post author

    Destroy evidence?..If they had any brains at all the shredders would be exploding from overload! Laptops and tablets, phones, recorders, you name it would be fuelling rods for reactors everywhere but Siberia..(Not to sure about Siberia though!)..Lawyers would be running about with masking tape to seal up the mouths of everyone in sight!..Anything left over would be dumped down the deepest mine shafts, and then they would all flee into the hills denying all knowledge!

  • J Pierre Post author

    Sounds like the lawyer may have done the "steakhouse speak" on purpose. Is he misleading us? It's too too obvious

  • ABC P Post author

    The only thing that is been made unprecedented by Trump is that we are finding out anyone who works for him is incapable of whatever their title is, and highly not-trust worthy.

  • Timothy Henry Post author

    Applaud until they wiretap YOU!

  • Timothy Henry Post author

    Few people realize that Shakespeare wrote Merchant of Venice to expose the heights of hypocrisy in Christians. If you're trying the same thing with Democrats, I can tell you that it's not working

  • ang3l729 Post author

    Hiw do you know its not a set up to hear fake media deployed again? Think 2 steps ahead even if idiots are idiots

  • friend2truth Post author

    Trump is a traitor. Steven has courage to point out how.

  • sollymagne channel Post author

    https://youtu.be/ypWT_f5dU68

  • Darkknight329 Post author

    PREPARE SHIP FOR LUDICROUS SPEED!!!!

  • Priestess Auset Ra Amen Post author

    Funny stuff.

  • Kehsihba Post author

    The audience killed his vibe

  • matt mendez Post author

    Anyone else notice the Law and Order skit was very similar to John Mulaney’s joke in his stand up special?

  • Leonard Lang Post author

    Peeps, Dang buck It is fantastic xigeo plus

  • Beatriz Monteiro Post author

    Love it!!!!

  • deadfr0g Post author

    0:28 holy cow Jon 😂

  • chris sto Post author

    Well, Obama did warn Trump not to hire him.

  • Anthony Forgione Post author

    Steven Colbert is a joke !! Funny but bought and paid for, he sounds like a Bitch. President Trump is working for America . This guy is working for NWO

  • Mark Stinson Post author

    Proof?

  • Blanca Rosales Post author

    the law and order part was hilarious

  • Erin Forger Post author

    "Yeah you gotta set a tone early in Washington that's why on the first day of every session Mitch McConnell walks upto the biggest gut in the Senate and just shivs em'" DEAD 😂

  • Matt Soper Post author

    Turtle soup is what McConnell calls his ejaculate.

  • A guy here Post author

    I'd watch a high stakes zeppelin race just for the novelty of it.

  • DJNoobAlot Post author

    treason is in the air

  • Eb theDoc Post author

    Lovely, Stephen. "Actual soup," indeed!

  • Dare Jones Post author

    3:02 It's not treason Colbert, if the President is aware of what's going on!!

  • jay foreman Post author

    Turtle soup yo!

  • Rob M Post author

    Ty Cobb. lol.
    I mean, failed monopoly mascot, Ty Cobb.

  • Boris Yusufov Post author

    It's scary how happy people are to hear that somebody was wiretapped. And how somebody's door was picked by governmental agents.

    Good thing Stephen realizes that it's kinda sick.

    Still. That's really bad.
    There are some fundamental rights, and infringement of these rights should be met with suspicion and aversion rather than rounds of applause and cheerful laughter.

  • Eva Pawlowska Post author

    lordy obv they did it on purpose.. lawyers argued whether to tell everything or not – for the sake of the white house? Will be their defense.

  • X152535 Post author

    The U.S. should just go to war with Russia and get it over with. Enough beating around the bush with this nonsense already.

  • Gamenetreviews Post author

    Holy hell, so Obama actually did wiretap the trump campaign, so Trumps not crazy after all.

  • Ricky Namara Post author

    I'm having fun over how many anecdotes we can make over Trump lawyer and cartoon villain rejected from a Saturday morning cartoon for being too villain-y, Ty Cobb.

  • Anxious.Anna26 Post author

    Lmao the law and order scene 😂😂😂

  • Tucker Bowen Post author

    man, Cobb is a gold mine for Stephen

    (shame he didn't say "Ludicrous Speed" though)

  • PauLo HUANG Post author

    What if Russians really pulled the Trump trick off, what does that means for USA? President Pence?….

  • Tanner Todd Post author

    New band name: Shaving in a Shark Tank

  • jansanxj Post author

    Law and Order joke taken right out of John Mulaney.

  • kb csDJvno ]][,. Post author

    WOW! Lawyer Reveals Robert Mueller Once Tried To Entrap Him Using Fake Drug Charges
    by Joshua Caplan 20 October 2017

    Despite what the media reports about Special Counsel Robert Mueller, he track record is not as pristine as he would like Americans to believe. Boston-based lawyer Harvey Silvergate penned an article for WGBH this week, recounting how Mueller, acting United States Attorney in Boston, attempted to entrap him.

    WGBH reports:

    When Mueller was the acting United States Attorney in Boston, I was defense counsel in a federal criminal case in which a rather odd fellow contacted me to tell me that he had information that could assist my client. He asked to see me, and I agreed to meet. He walked into my office wearing a striking, flowing white gauze-like shirt and sat down across from me at the conference table. He was prepared, he said, to give me an affidavit to the effect that certain real estate owned by my client was purchased with lawful currency rather than, as Mueller’s office was claiming, the proceeds of illegal drug activities.

    My secretary typed up the affidavit that the witness was going to sign. Just as he picked up the pen, he looked at me and said something like: “You know, all of this is actually false, but your client is an old friend of mine and I want to help him.” As I threw the putative witness out of my office, I noticed, under the flowing white shirt, a lump on his back – he was obviously wired and recording every word between us.

    Silvergate is not the only lawyer this week to point out Mueller’s unfit to be Special Counsel.

    Former Assistant U.S. Attorney Sidney Powell believes Special Counsel Robert Mueller is guilty of prosecutorial improprieties.

    While discussing former U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of New York Preet Bharara’s motive behind prosecuting millionaire Las Vegas gambler Billy Walters, Powell says he, akin Mueller, convict people for sport.

    They will make sure “whatever needs to be done to get that conviction,” gets done, says Powell.

    Powell told reporter Jerome Corsi:

    “Because Billy Walters was a famous and hugely successful sports gambler,” Powell answered. “Because he was a multi-million-dollar investor who owned a $17 million-dollar private jet. Because Preet Bharara had suffered a series of appeals court set-backs and he valued bagging Billy Walters so he could have a new trophy to put on his wall.”
    […]“Many top federal law enforcement officials including James Comey – and it appears Robert Mueller as well – are willing to engage in illegal acts to win convictions,” she stressed. “They convince themselves or believe that someone is guilty of something, and then the end of obtaining any kind of conviction justifies whatever needs to be done to get that conviction.”

    She continued: “Bharara, Comey, and Mueller – all three are far too political and have great powers of rationalization. Some have called them ‘Dirty Cops.’”

    To top it off, as the Clinton-Uranium One scandal is heating up, it’s important to recall Robert Mueller was head of the FBI from Sept 2001-Sept 2013 until James Comey took over as FBI Director in 2013. They were BOTH involved in this Russian scam being that this case started in 2009 and ended in 2015.

  • Mare Graphix Post author

    Picking these nits off the body politic of America could backfire on Putin by showing other countries how it's done.

  • Tyler Khan Post author

    Off guard bitter wppheu fundamental initiative telephone treasure tale.

  • Salmagundiii Post author

    "man leading high stakes Zeppelin race to Siam" – so freakin' brilliant

  • grumplepig Post author

    I never get tired of this, thanks for the laughs, cause what else can we do

  • Adam K Post author

    lmao the law and order part

  • Lamijaification Post author

    1:30

  • kb csDJvno ]][,. Post author

    Today is Friday 16 February 2018.
    How is Mueller looking to you now?

  • Theodore Moxie Post author

    Yes we need law and order speed

  • CVPI FANATIC Post author

    Space Balls Ludicrous Speed

  • Nancy Southern Belle Post author

    Just pointing at this silly man & ROFLMAO. Mueller Time suddenly turned into BULL DURHAM TIME!! Also time for Dems to pay their BARR BIll!!! BAHAHAHA BAHAHAHA. When Sen Feinstein had a Chinese Spy, as her personal driver & Office Manager, ahh for only 20 years, FBI/DOJ immediately informed her, & he was fired. In 2016, Trump was given a vague defensive briefing, by the same FBI Agent, Peter Strokz, who opened up an investigation into 4 of his campaign team members, 2 weeks prior, but opps that slipped his mind to inform him, as the law calls for. Instead, he was too busy texting his girlfriend about an insurance policy, & not telling his superiors that the NY FBI Field Office just found thousands of classified emails on arrested child predator Anthony Wiener's laptop. But, you do you. BAHAHAHA

  • Tim D Post author

    List of donald's friends on Wikipedia https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Trump_administration_dismissals_and_resignations

    Worse turnover rate than McDonald's.

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