Jephthah (Judges 11)

Jephthah (Judges 11)

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O Lord, Iíve got a battle coming
up with the Ammonites. Iím really gonna need to carry
out a massive slaughter. So I figured that, since thatís your specialty,
you’re the person to turn to for help. Ammonites, eh?
Hm, fancy that! Just recently I sold my beloved people,
the Israelites, into their hands. O- oh, is that what this is about? Well, yes, Lord. Your beloved people
are asking you to help them. No. I told them: ìI will deliver you no more!î And I donít lie, ever! So, no. Pleeeeeeeeeease? Okay, sure. So, are we gonna
be killing just armies of men or are there gonna be women
and children killed, too? Oh, I donít know.
Why does that matter? Yeah, see, I need to start taking
care of this sort of thing. I donít want any atheists saying that I ever
killed women and children indiscriminately. But you do! What about when you told
that guy to go through Jerusalem and ìslay utterly old and young, both maids
and little children, and women?î Yeah, I know, I know. Iíve ordered that babies be
killed, and Iíve even killed them myself directly. But in every case they WERE evil
babies who deserved it, okay? Itís important that people know that I only
order the death of evil and stubborn people and usually for the heinous crime of just not getting
the hell out of the way of my real estate dealings! Well, the Ammonites ARE requesting
that we give them their land back. AAAARRRGH!!!
BASTARDS!!! But Lord, Iím planning on conquering about
twenty cities. Like what Joshua did. Joshua! Ho ho!
What a great man! All I had to do was just unfairly
manipulate each battle in his favor and heíd exterminate every living thing, in
city after city! If it breathed, it died! Ho! In fact, have you ever met
anyone from the city of Libnah? No. Have you ever met anyone
from the city of Lachish? No. – Gezer?
– No. – Hebron? Debir?
– No. – Kadesh Barnea? Gaza?
– No. – Goshen? Eglon? Gibeon?
– No. Of course you havenít! No people
from those cities exist anymore! ícause Joshua killed every single man,
woman, child and baby alive in them! Exactly as I, the Lord God of
Israel, had commanded him! So why are you worried about me maybe
killing some more babies if it comes to that? Well, itís public relations, see? Atheists are
always gonna try to point to my evil acts and use them to try to
make me look, well, evil. I mean, are you planning to use your sword to
slice apart any pregnant women on this one? Well, thatís an interesting idea. Yeah, yeah, itís a threat I
like to use against people. But I just canít stand it
when my enemies do it! I mean, what part of ìThou shalt not
kill!î do people not understand? Mh. What about when your own
people, the Israelites, do it, Lord? Well, king Menahem sliced
apart pregnant women. I didnít like it, but I didnít think it was worth
him losing his job over it, so I just did nothing. Right. So, are you
gonna help me, then? Oh, that reminds me: Is there gonna be any dashing
of babies against rocks in this campaign of yours? Lord, look, I donít think you need to
worry about me doing that, okay? Can we talk about
the Ammonites? Yeah, yeah, look, I guess
Iíd have to say that if you can avoid deliberately smashing babiesí
skulls apart on rocks, Iíd prefer that. Even though my book does suggest that
it is potentially a source of happiness. Yeah, okay, okay.
So, Lord, the Ammonites? Yeah. I havenít slaughtered Ammonites before.
This will be something new. Actually, the closest I came
to harming the Ammonites was when I sent a left-handed man
to visit the king of one of their allies and stab him in the guts
with a double-edged sword, causing him to shit
himself and then die. Hahahaha! Anyway, letís get to work on this AmmoniteÖ
Ooh, hold on, Jephthah! You nearly tricked me! Whatís in it
for me if I help you out on this? If you got nothing to give me in return,
then, frankly, you can go know yourself. Hmm, something in returnÖ I assume that you mean
a sacrifice of some sort. Mh, mh, keep talking!
Whaddya got? I know just what
you want, Lord! Oooh! Goody! Goody! I promise, Lord, to do good and to share, for
with such sacrifices you are well-pleased. Jephthah! Wake up! I donít value things like that!
Not yet, anyway. I want what I usually want:
the ritualistic death of living things! When I helped out Moses, he killed me
818 animals and 32 human virgins. Oh, the odor ó so pleasing! Well, I donít have that
much to offer, Lord. My half-brothers kicked me out of the
family because my mother was a whore. So Iíve only got my wife and
kid and a couple of servants. Ohhh. Just a couple of
servants and a kid, huh? Yeah, yeah, and my wiÖ
Oh, youíre thinking of my servants. Oh, erm, I donít expect youíd
like them much, Lord. Theyíre a bit old, pretty lazy,
not much good anyÖ Er, this kid of yours ó boy or girl? Errr, a daughter. Um, actually, now that
I think of it, Lord, my servants really are good, very
righteous, hard-workingÖ Married? Yes, they are! I bought them already
married, two for the price ofÖ No, no, I mean
your daughter. Oh, erm, no, sheís not. Um, Lord, youíre not suggesting
that I sacrificeÖ? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
I never said anything! You know itís completely against my character
to desire that children be killed, ever! If you think that I tolerate the
killing of innocent children, then youíve totally misinterpreted everything
Iíve clearly stated in my book! Either that or read a version that was
mistranslated from the original Hebrew. Frigginí translators! Why donít they ever
mistranslate bits to make me look extra-nice? They always turn me into a sick, unjust, cruel, violent,
mass-murdering psychopath, when Iím, Iím, erÖ Oh, actually, I am.
Hm, anyway. Now back to you
and your sacrifice. You make me an offer. If itís something that I
want, then Iíll help you. But if, say, you were to make some
kind of immoral or unethical offer ó something that violated basic conceptions
of love, fairness and justice ó then, of course, I wonít accept that and I would clearly and unequivocally
chastise you for even making such an offer. Oh, yeah, yes, of course, Lord! I would never even think
of offering you something that would make you look immoral,
bloodthirsty or evil, were you to accept it. So I tell you what: If you help
me slaughter the Ammonites, I promise that whatsoever cometh forth
of the doors of my house to meet me, when I return in peace from
the children of Ammon, shall surely be the Lordís, and I
will offer it up for a burnt offering. (gasps)
A burnt offering?! Something from his house,
possible human sacrifice, couple of servants,
wife and a daughter. I like those odds! Jephthah, Iím
going to help you! Yeah, but címon, Lord!
You donít really intend toÖ? Babababa! Címon, címon,
letís talk strategy. You and I have got some
butchering to do! Okay, come on, servant.
Come on, servant. Iím home! Daddy! Daddy! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Oh no! I told you his daughter would be
the first thing to come out of his house! Stupid deal, Lord! Yeah, now one of us has to go
down and stop the sacrifice. Like when Abraham was
about to kill HIS only child. Shall I go now, Lord? Really, Lord, as soon as youíre ready.
Just give the word and weíre there! Yeah, and now would be
the perfect time to say: ìOkay, Gabriel, go down there once again and
stop that awful human sacrifice from happening, ìbecause such things are unambiguously
evil and offend my perfect moral standard!î Oh, wait, er, sheís going off into
the mountains with her friends to, umÖ Hm, it looks like sheís
bewailing her virginity. Sheíd be better off trying to
lose it while she has the chance. Yeah, buys us some time, though. How long is she gonna be? Probably a couple
of months, Lord. Aw, I donít wanna wait! Iím the Lord of time and space! Iím gonna fast-forward it to
see whatís happens next. Oh, two months Earth-time
have passed. Sheís back! Look! Jephthah has made a
sacrificial pyre to burn her on! Shall I go now,
Lord Yahweh? Lord? Uh, shall I go
now and safe her life? Since you donít approve
of human sacrifice, ever? And only false gods such as Molech
would ever demand such a thing, which, according to your believers, justifies so many
of the holy genocides youíve helped Israel commit? Sheís on the chopping block,
Lord! Send me now! Iím so sorry. (screams) You know, Iím gonna see to it that Jephthah is
recognized and remembered as a man of great faith. Do you know, before he dies, heís gonna be
responsible for around 42,000 more deaths? Ha! Heís a hero! Did you not see what you
just let happen here? Of course I did! But what just happened
here was justified! How?! Oh, look, I canít be bothered
explaining it! Iím busy! Just ask my devoted and
well-informed followers! Theyíll be happy to explain to you exactly
how and why this was perfectly acceptable! Right? Subtitles by
Tom S. Fox

100 thoughts on “Jephthah (Judges 11)

  • drrodopszin Post author

    Oh boy… I bet that odor was pleasing to God.

  • Johannes Krämer Post author

    "…ᴵ'ᵐ ˢᵒ ˢᵒʳʳʸ…" :'-(

  • Trel Spiegel Post author

    This kid of your…boy or girl?? LOL.

  • Linus Wallin Post author

    Go know yourself. I’m gonna start using that.

  • Kenneth Holt Post author

    Would a "Christian" actually read and think and understand? This is really excellent work. I tried to discuss some of the more obvious verses to a pair of people sent to "bring me back" but they refused to actually acknowledge the existence of such heinous cruelty, this from the "god of love"

  • Full Time Vegan In Ohio Post author

    Lol the look on the lord's face is priceless when he decided to not intervene.

  • MrGoat Post author

    lol gotta love that papyrus font

  • ooOmegAaa Post author

    Hebrews said that the world was not worthy of Jephthah …. but the NT also says that if you dont have a job, you are worse than a heathen. So not having a job = worse than human sacrifice.

  • Thegreat Seeker Post author

    The man could have said anything as a vow to God but he said the first thing to come out of my house I will sacrifice it. As cruel as it is you make a vow to God you have to keep it. God could have stopped it but the moral of the story is never make vows to God. God is a cruel God if you make vows to him as you have to keep it.

  • David DeMar Post author

    I never learned about this in after school Hebrew school in the early 1970s. What an awful story

  • spork8655 Post author

    Yet another story of the bible that is completely and utterly fucked.

  • Kevin Post author

    I busted out laughing when he said shit himself and die. lol

  • Candyman Post author

    This is fucking hilariously sick 🤣🤣🤣

  • silveryblizzard Post author

    The part with the rising music and the close up of those incredible MS paint skills killed me. Really portrayed this well!

  • Patrick Valvardy Post author

    Stannis Baratheon

  • rezkalla Post author

    The Roman gods were against human sacrifice and would punish anybody who sacrificed a human.

  • Tim Post author

    OK, this might be the funniest thing on YouTube that I have ever come across!! I have been binge watching thees episodes all night. Very well done!!

  • Chris Magno Post author

    That's why killing a lot of people in games means GODLIKE

  • Robin D. Phillips Post author

    😆😆😆😆 evil babies? 😆😆😆😆😆

  • Westside Crips Post author

    You guys do realize that judging God by the Old Testament isn’t justification to your satisfaction because we are living in the New Testament after Jesus set himself as the ultimate sacrifice you atheists don’t understand that about Christianity.

  • Mark Dubya Post author

    I ❤️ these videos!!

  • Indigo Blue Post author

    Fuck, God orders innocent people to be slaughtered because he’s self-conscious about his real-estate.

  • Oremo Oremo Post author

    I laughed really hard when he was asking Jepthath whether or not he had met anyone from those cities that Joshua destroyed and then he answers of course not. Kinda reminded me of when people say that God apparently "tests" people despite knowing the answer to the test.

  • Emma Campo Post author

    Blessed are the poor in the spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
    Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
    The fool had said in his heart, there is no God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.
    The LORD looked down from heaven upon the children of men, to see if there were any that understand and seek God.
    (Matt. 5:2, Heb. 11:1, Psalms 14:1&2)

  • Alex. Polychronopoulos Post author

    I am not here to debate the ethical nature of the facts presented in the video, I also believe there are many important messages that are displayed in all of your videos NonStampCollector. Once again, as I feel I will be labelled, perhaps not entirely wrongly so but as it is not my aim I wish to not be answered by such claims, I want to share the remark that the moral points made in the video would be more impactful, especially for current and future christians as myself, were they made more concrete via a more thorough (not lengthier but more precise) presentation of the events.

    I feel that perhaps in a lack of respect, or in order to make the animation more humorous, you have misrepresented some of the verses that you have referred to. In example, a major difference between Isaac's binding and Jepthah's daughter, God was the one to ''demand'' the sacrifice in Abraham's case.
    Jepthah, in a weirdly overzealous tone, without being prompted so by God, nor with Gods appraisal or answer, said that the first person coming from his house to greet him would be offered as burnt sacrifice were he to win the war. It seems more so that Jepthah is fulfilling his oath rather than God demanding a sacrifice in this scenario.
    I am repeating myself in a very awkward fashion, but I am not trying to imply that human sacrifice is more acceptable in some scenarios, but it was rather Jepthah's inconsideration of his daughter's life rather than God's will that is under scrutiny in the specific situation.

    Another example is the human sacrifice of the virgins in Numbers 31, in which I believe you have a certain biased reading on the specific case. ""The persons were 16,000, of which the LORD’s tribute was 32 persons. And Moses gave the tribute, which was the contribution for the LORD, to Eleazar the priest, as the LORD commanded Moses."' I will argue here that the most prominent opinion on this was the virgins' use as servants, rather than as sacrifices.

    Lastly, bashing ''babies' faces on a rock'' is, and sorry for the wording, taken out of context. It talks about Babylon's (the empire's) children, the Babylonian men, who sent the Israelites to exile. Is it an astonishingly violent exaggeration? I will agree. But is it an exaggeration in relation to Babylonian men rather than actual babies? Yes.

  • Álex the Benighted Post author

    That Wagner music fits perfectly.

  • MistaFadora Post author

    I got a bible app ad on This

  • JanMakesaGenocide Post author

    That soundtrack killed me HAHAHAHA

  • So-And-So Post author

    Wait, new evidence suggests he did not kill his daughter, he just sold her into slavery. There now, don't you feel better ?

  • Terézia T Post author

    A: God ordered Abraham to kill his son.
    T: Yea, but he saved him. Psht, he would not let such thing happen.
    A: And what about Jepptah?
    T: Uh… who's that?

  • kaczynski S Post author

    Elizabethan English were familiar enough with the Jephthah story – there was a ballad called 'Jephthah Judge Of Israel' and Hamlet may be alluding to it when, pretending to be mad, he says, to Polonius, 'Jephthah, Judge of Israel, what a treasure hadst thou!' Ophelia, his daughter, does in fact die in the course of the play. Elizabethans lived in a less shockable age – later Christians prefer to ignore the story and perhaps have not even heard of it.

  • Maxlevox Post author

    and the best part is that "god" is omniscient so he knew that the daughter would come out first.

  • Marshmellow Cookie Post author

    explenation : bitch had it coming

  • Jesse Oseafiana Post author

    There’s no way this is in the Bible

    reads it

    What the fuck

  • Carrie W Post author

    Could anyone do French subtitles?

  • Bitrab oj Post author

    bro i didnt know the bible was so interesting

  • ChaCha Channel Post author

    This is why I say NO to religion. The fact that killing the innocent is acceptable just because its for your "god" and because they differ in views than you, just make me sick.

  • cool goggles kid Post author

    YO I HAD A PROJECT ON THIS. I LITERALLY DREW A PICTURE OF HIM BURNING HIS DAUGHTER. YEEEEESSSS. btw i'm an atheist, I just went to a catholic school because the curriculum was good

  • Jordan Addams Post author

    We learned about these stories in full detail in fifth grade in school. Fucking ridiculous. I was eleven. Scared to death of winding up in hell.

  • HighLighterlines Post author

    Woah woah the daughter was not sacrificed she was send to serve at the temple

  • darkfanimewatcher Post author

    If you make a promise to God, you have to do it, no matter what

  • Jack Green The weird Once-Ler Post author

    Have you ever tried Jonah and the Fish ?
    Or Ruth & Nempatha or something like that

  • Jack Green The weird Once-Ler Post author

    He's a creepy pedo or pervert

  • Peter Michael Post author

    This is an open misrepresentation. God did not ask for "something in return". He offered it, apparently in a grand, overly emotional gesture. Additionally, the conclusion of the story isn't even told. The Bible is full of stories of humans saying and doing dumb things that God did NOT ask for. Not an endorsement.

    But hey, when you hate God, you find ways to rage against him with misrepresentation and mockery. NSC is clearly a master.

  • Tom Rich Post author

    Me thinks the Jewish nation made the WHOLE thing up

  • NoLongerHuman13 Post author

    Keep up the great work 🙏💯🎯

  • Debunker Debunkers Post author

    Lol its funny how god hates translators to make him extra nice but still end up psychopathic bully father

  • Satelllliiiiiiiteee Post author

    I need this as a full show

  • Michael Deth Post author

    1:39 God: “ If it breathed, it died”


  • refinekama69 Post author

    A number of Christians are very delighted to know that I have read the Bible and naturally the follow up question is that, am I a Christian.. The answer is NO.. The next question is why aren't you a Christian after reading God's Words? It is because I have read the Bible, therefore I will not be a Christian! Never!

  • Troy Beasley Post author

    Scholars have explained that Jephthah made the vow that whatever came through his door he would give to God. If it was an animal then it would be a burnt offering. If it were a person then he would consecrate them unto God.

    As it happened it was his daughter, who he gave to God. That is why the passages emphasize that she was a virgin, never to marry, because she belonged to God. She never was killed.

    Other scholars explain that Jephthah was chosen as a leader and Judge for his might and fighting ability. Not his intelligence. He didn’t know the Torah, which prohibited human sacrifice. All he had to do was seek council of a priest or scholar and he would have been told not to do it. But he was too proud and paid a price.

    Or perhaps it is just an allegory that teaches us to never make ridiculous oaths.

  • Xyander Post author

    If you want to tell if a christian is honest or not, quote this story to them and see if they accept it as written and realize what an evil beast they worship, or if they try to say jeppy's daughter became a nun, instead of what jeppy promised, which was a burnt sacrifice.

  • charles norelli Post author

    I’ll be honest, this is probably NonStampCollector’s best video. The comedy mixed with criticism of the Bible is pure genius

  • R P Post author

    God already knows who's coming to first meet him

  • Vagarth Dvivedi Post author

    This was horrifying. Gave me chills.

  • BigBadSeed Post author

    As a Christian who's studied the bible, I have to say this video is really dishonest. God didn't command Jephthah to sacrifice his daughter or to make any sacrifice at all. Jephthah just swore he would do it, and the book of Judges makes it clear that this was sinful on his part. The point of this story is that Jephthah has fallen so far from grace that he doesn't even know the law of his own god, that God doesn't allow child sacrifice.
    Seriously, this video is one big lie. I've linked the text of Judges 11, as well as an analytical overview of the whole book of Judges, so you can see the truth for yourself.

  • Danny451 Fuentes Post author

    This is comedy gold.

  • bish wut did u say? Post author

    I have seen so many videos of it was out of context you can search for it.

  • Türk Mapper Post author

    You guys know that the man who was murdered because he got some stick at sabbath? İ asked that to a Christian guess what he said,'' he disobeyed to god that needed to be done'' bible is a silly book…

  • Türk Mapper Post author

    Wow i never saw this in bible till now i read it even, damn idiot Jahweh

  • Cade Blush Post author

    Still one of the best videos ever 😂

  • Samuel Munaku Post author

    Yahweh and son realty

  • cmrjc74 Post author


  • F A Post author

    Jeez. The classical era was completely barbaric.

  • Karen M Post author

    By today’s standards is bible is totally irrelevant and immoral. We’ve come a long way since then.

    At the time the bible was written peoples ideas of what constituted morality was very different from today. And they had no scientific explanations for natural phenomena and attributed bad weather that ruined the crops to an angry god.

    We know better now and the bible should not be held up as a standard of morality when it doesn’t reflect modern values

    Most Christians have never even read the book. They only know a few watered down children’s versions which leave out all the rape and murder. Hell, most Christians can’t even recite the 10 commandments from memory

  • Don Pascua Post author

    I just realized that the bible is so dark

  • Divisive America Post author

    God didn't make Abraham sacrifice Isaac, what a great…. wtf!

  • Zoroaster Post author

    Biggest joke of all time: God is love.

  • SolDeSaBelle Post author

    The "I'm so sorry", with the music and all, still gives me shivers… That is definitely one of NSC's best videos, edition-wise (among other things)

  • Mudit Parnami Post author

    Her killing by the her own father is so much downplayed in Bible , But when its presented with visual and sound effect as what would happen if it was really conducted , it gives shiver down the spine and U wonder WTF !

  • American Muscle Post author

    From early on I was always curious as to why a god would need the blood of innocent animals. Then I was shocked at him wanting the innocent blood of humans. It was at that moment I knew I was more compassionate and moral than a god. We are made in his image so now I know why murder and war happen on a daily basis. The thirst for blood. Now here I sit on the fence for I am neither for a blood thirsty god or a blood thirsty devil or wannabe god. God says that makes him vomit at the thought and he would rather I choose evil. Now even I am more compassionate than that. If someone doesn’t like me I just go my own way and let them be. If god doesn’t like me he throws me in a lake of fire forever. Again I feel more loving and compassionate than a god.

  • Ethan Barry Post author

    Yoh jesus

  • Ringo R Post author

    Because God!!!

  • NightmareEntity Post author

    Families kill each other and friends kill friends even today, this is what was taught in the part of the bible that even your own family can betray you

  • InkHeart Post author

    if i was one of God's angels, id take the cjance to kill the Psychotic god

  • Josue Hernandez Post author

    Im Ashamed my name is Josue ( Joshua in english ), the fuck was thinking my mom, probably believing happy stories told to her of the bible and god without questioning everything and without having objective and critical analysis… what can i say

  • Türk Mapper Post author

    i told this to christians and guess what they told me …. it is man's mistake, god did not do that.

  • mike derocco Post author

    for all the dumb asses on here making comments about christianity i know its link but this is a jewish written story judaism old testament so ask a jew fools

  • firm believer Post author

    Why put so much effort into this? Its useless. Cherry picking verses and not reading in context brings your interpretation and conclusion into a false narrative.
    What women will cry over her virginity over her life? (none)
    Who, in order to keep a vow, will allow the possibility not to keep it? (she went away for 2 months)
    Does any other scripture allow for someone who made a rash vow a way out? (yes)
    Your reading of the bible doesnt considered that these are real people with a real God. Its not some man made moral guideline template. Its not explaining some phenomenon away.
    You brought up the verse where God says He wont deliver them anymore and that He can't lie. But cant you tell He was telling the Israelites that in their current state? If you got divorced and would you still be obliged to care for them in every sense while they where married to another? But if they returned to you and remarried you then you who im sure would care for them unlike before while they called another their spouse.

  • Je Colibri Post author

    I was raised a Christian. I have read various passages throughout my life, I have read the Bible cover to cover once, and I am well on my way to completing it entirely again. Would you like to know something?
    I am still a believer. And not just still, but more than ever. And it's not because I've always had theological scholars or commentaries hovering around me to give me understanding. It's because of John 14:26: "But the comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you." And guess what? If, as believers, we let him, he does just that. If you WANT to know God, he WILL reveal himself to you and he WILL give you understanding. "And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart" (Jeremiah 29:13). But when I do read something in the scriptures that doesn't make perfect sense to me, and believe me, I do… I do not allow the failings of my limited human mind to stand in the way of my faith in the all-knowing Creator. It is NOT that there are holes in the Bible. And it is NOT that God's word contradicts itself. God cannot lie. It is that WE have holes in our understanding, and that WE opposed ourselves. If you desire TRUTH… look no further then the one who said, "I AM THE TRUTH"(John 14:6).

    You are created to live in a relationship with your heavenly Father, who loves you. If you seek Him, you shall find him.

  • Spanglish_ fly Post author

    I just discovered you…..your fuckin great…

  • tone deaf duck vampire mosquito Post author

    Yes, yes, we've got it, theists The bible doesn't mean what it says, you have to intrepet it to mean whatever you want it to.

  • Eddie B Post author

    And this is the God Christians worship Sunday after Sunday after Sunday. It blows my mind.

  • Sam oh Post author

    I finally rejected Christianity this last month at the age of 35. Because if there’s just 1 error or contradiction in the Bible, then the Bible is not perfect as Christians claim… My fear honestly is trying to find a new community of friends since I’ve given up my church friends.

  • Sleep Ninja Post author

    Bruh the amount of research for these videos, your shit is more extensive than my college courses lol

  • Grace Balzer Post author

    I’m waiting the story about the time a few men from a village raped a daughter. The “good men” were going to kill everyone in the village. The men of the village made a deal that they would get circumcised and join the Israelites. But, wile the men were recovering the Israelites went in and killed everyone in the village. Just one more of those heartwarming stories from the Bible.

  • Gabriel Jordan Post author

    Is this the same god that is also against abortion rights?

  • Jeremiah Patlan Post author

    I've heard some Christians say that his daughter wasn't killed and instead lived a life of service at the temple. Any thoughts on this?

  • Rose Okello Post author

    Okay Gabriel, this may be all on you.

    When Abraham was about to sacrifice Isaac, you didn’t ask or need God’s permission to stop the sacrifice.
    Why did you need it this time…

    Ok, I know this is fiction, but I’m so caught up 😂😂

  • TJ Maxwell Post author

    Holy fucking shit, is the Christian God disabled?

  • Hardy Maritz Post author

    Have we made any progress in the treatment of mental illness?

    Close to 2 billion christians today. Muslims not far behind.

    I think not.

  • Raun Carswell Post author

    Why would God demand offerings and sacrifices if he can create literally anything?

  • Jojo Capone Post author

    'Shall I go now Lord???" (God) ignores and stands there with blank expression anticipating the sacrifice… A moral God I might add.. lol

  • A C Post author

    God in a challah cloud, so appropriate.

  • Mark Frost Post author

    He did make a sacrifice of his daughter unto the LORD

  • Oopsie Poopsie Post author

    So as funny as this remaking of this story is, I really hope this particular story didn’t happen. An innocent girl was murdered for some stupid war The Israelites had no business being in.

  • Scott Edwards Post author

    Unsolicited and unsanctioned human sacrifice. Some people simply need to step away from literature.

  • A World Gone Totally Insane Post author

    The fact that any christian apologist would even attempt to say this needs to be seen in context is repulsive.

  • The junkyard mechanic William Post author

    so much for free will

  • Schneeregen _ Post author

    You make it seem like God was hoping for a human sacrifice in this video, that is blatantly untrue.

    He is supposed to be omniscient so he knew it was a human sacrifice while agreeing to it.

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