Iyanla Calls a Mother-In-Law’s Relationship “Inappropriate” | Iyanla: Fix My Life | OWN

Iyanla Calls a Mother-In-Law’s Relationship “Inappropriate” | Iyanla: Fix My Life | OWN

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– What is her name? Her name is [INAUDIBLE] [INAUDIBLE] [INAUDIBLE] Is your daughter-in-law black? African-American, yes. Oh, and you came here from? We came from Germany. – Germany?
– Yes. – So you’re German?
– Yes. – And your son is German?
– Yes. Married to a black woman? Yes. OK. OK. There are some inherent
challenges in that. But, anyway– Cultural differences. Yeah. You know. So culture is an
issue, and then what? For me most of it is
how you are brought up or where you brought up
and how you were raised. – Class.
– Yes. Culture, and then class. And maybe language does it– maybe the way I or how
we say things in Germany are maybe said different here. OK. So where are you today? Let’s start there.
– Yes. Where are you and her today? So since January, we’re
not on very good terms because I said something
to her that was my opinion. And how she took it, and the
result was that she didn’t let me see my grandchildren
for the last three weeks. What did you say? I said to her that I cannot
recall the first child ever having so many bumps
or bruises on her forehead as the second child. And I know why. Why? Because the six-year-old is
watching the three-year-old, on the trampoline, or
they are left downstairs while momma is busy upstairs. So what you were saying was,
you’re not watching your kids. And as a result, the little one
seems to be getting banged up. That’s what you were saying. But that’s not what you said. No. You said, I don’t recall– Yes. –the first child
having this many– so Yeah I was careful
with how I said it. Oh, that’s not careful. OK. That’s not careful
because you were really communicating something
that you weren’t being upfront about, but anyway. How long have they been married? Since 2011. So that’s seven years. So in seven years, why
would she take one comment that you made the wrong way? Is there a history of
this between you and her? Yes, apparently what
I say or how I say it– it’s always on the defense. The root is maybe
somewhere else. She maybe has this already
like, uh-uh, not her. Because no matter what I offer,
you want to go to the park, you want to go to
the farmer’s market, she doesn’t want
to do that with me. But yet, a week later or
two, she goes by herself and checks it out. Well why are you making this
about her and not about you? What do you mean, she
has, uh-uh, not her? What if you have, uh-uh not her? What if that’s you? No but from the
beginning, when I babysat the first
time in their place, it was unbelievably filthy. And we had this
chaos every morning to find the matching socks or
the clothes that was washed. And when I said to
my son, oh my god, Chris, that’s not how you
were raised, and he’s like, mom don’t say anything to her. So then there were,
when I babysat again because she wanted to
go for an interview, I said, you know what Chris,
next time if I babysit, you need to bring
the child to me. The way the couch was– couldn’t put your jacket or
your purse down, it was just– in my book, my culture, the
way I was raised, it was just not, it was terrible. I felt bad that the kids grow
up not with a certain order because in every place you have
a order, in every business you have a order. Makes your life easier. I mean that’s how I feel. Well how did you grow up? I grew up very in
order circumstances, you know like I had a home. I had a place that was
where I was taken care of, regular meals. OK. So you use how you were
raised and your culture as the standard for
how things should be. Is that what I’m hearing? Because I heard
you say the house was filthy according to the
standard of your culture. How was she raised? She went through
a lot, you know– Like? Shelter to shelter,
never staying long at a place, not a consistency
of where you live or your, you know, where you put your
clothes or not as I knew life. Where you put your clothes? What do you mean,
like drawer, dresser– Yes. –closet? On the chair or, you know. Mama, grandma, what
did they call you in– Omi. That’s what I thought, Omi. You’re in that relationship
in inappropriate ways. Too much judgment,
are you aware of that? No.

100 thoughts on “Iyanla Calls a Mother-In-Law’s Relationship “Inappropriate” | Iyanla: Fix My Life | OWN

  • xhottestpink Post author

    Any grandma with good clean habits, any color, would be disgusted to baby sit in a filthy house. Period. Shes worried for her grandbabies more than her son and her daughter in law are

  • Karen Dawson Post author

    Iam so happy my in-law is not like this

  • listentoomeeh Post author

    I feel cause she didn't protect her son then she's trying todo it now!

  • Laura W Post author

    I would feel the same if it were my grandkids, but I would keep my thoughts to my self.

  • Dark Sister Post author

    As with any house hold with kids some times it gets messy. Toddlers just learning to walk and playing don’t care about the mess they make. Parents trying to do a million things. Stuff falls through the cracks it happens. And its not up to mom to do all the cleaning dad needs to pitch in too.

  • 1234qwer Post author

    Order, hygiene and regular meals are racist because iyanla said yo YALL

  • JJAY Post author

    If her daughter in law was moving from place to place as a child why not step in get to know her and help out. Stop complaining about everything she is your son’s wife….. you can NOT marry your son nor can you pick his wife for him. If you are so disgusted stay home and shut up.

  • cocolola007 Post author

    I think the son n daughter in law should clean and at least teach the 6 year old to pick up the toys. But the mil should talk to the son and not the daughter in law about her issues. In law relationships is hard n it’s more sensitive. Insensitivity by the mil is not a way to resolve the issue. Trust me, I know!!

  • Commentary Only Post author

    Dont no man want no nasty woman. Clean up and stop making excuses for nastiness. And I come from a BLACK FAMILY, we dont play that being nasty mess and we dont eat from nasty homes either.

  • Cindy Dorsey Post author

    I know Iyanla got drunk after this show

  • S CP Post author

    Way too much emphasis on culture…

    You admit you were raised in a stable environment
    You admit she bounced around shelters
    And you’re still confused?

    A chaotic upbringing like that makes a few dirty dishes seem totally insignificant…

    Is it in your “culture” to skip past empathy and head straight to ignorance?

  • Nia C Post author

    Dang she put all her business out on front street. Attacking her grandkids mother is heartless

  • Helen Talia Post author

    I would love to find what Iyanla is saying in writing 🙏

  • Rochelle Smith Post author

    If the house is dirty and/or if she feels the children are being neglected then why doesn’t she speak to her son? Why is everything the DIL’s fault when the son is the father and husband in this situation and also lives in the home?

    She doesn’t like the DIL and uses things like “a messy home” to assert that fact.

  • Harra Jhane Post author

    I think she’s just racist.

  • Khaliq Bryson Post author

    It’s definitely about class not race just the way she says it very difficult it’s not culture

  • Black mixed with black Post author

    There are a lot of toxic mother and son relationships that need intervention 🙏🏽💯

  • EdenLove Post author

    It's crazy how she's saying "you" when speaking about her daughter in law as she speaks to Iyanla as if she understands why the woman isn't cleanly…also she must think black culture is bouncing around shelter to shelter and not cleaning… shame on her. She should nurture her "daughter in law" and be the mother she never had.

  • PHOENIX MINISTRY Post author

    I don’t understand why there is all this talk of culture. If you have a nasty house and you don’t know how to keep things clean… Then you are just nasty. This has nothing to do with culture. I am kind of upset that that woman even used that word. If you nasty, then you just nasty! That momma need to clean her house and Iylana need to mind her business!

  • Madi B Post author

    There is nothing wrong with how that women feels. She is trying to make it about race. This women clearly cares about her grandkids.

  • pinup- mermaid Post author

    The mother in law is wrong and controlling but the hostess of the show is being aggressive from the beginning as well both daughter in law and mother in law need to put more effort.

  • Valerie Kemp Post author

    Sound like the wife is trifling

  • Raquel Barnes Post author

    Sometimes ppl cant be fixed or it is beyond our control to repair relationships. I hope Yanla sees this woman is a narcissist and advises the son and wife to stay away from her until she gets help.

  • Splitsterrr Post author

    I don’t think this is a racist thing at all. My aunt and cousin are both german and they also can be very blunt and hate messiness. It’s definitely a cultural thing. Hell, when my grandma visits my parents house she goes out of her way to clean and complain about how messy their house get sometimes, lmao. And gma is BLACK. C’mon now.

  • Stephanie Hansen Post author

    Just because she doesn’t do things your way doesn’t mean she’s doing it wrong. Mind your own business.

  • Tiffany Nicole Post author

    Iyanla knew what she was dealing with time this lady opened her mouth. She's beating around the bush calling her daughter in law dirty according to her home not being up to standards or how she was raised. She looks down on her as if she's not good enough for her son. Point blank she doesn't want her son to be with this BLACK woman!

  • Sweet Caroline Post author

    Oh how I remember this! You know what? If the mother-in-law would rather be right than be nice, she won’t see her grandchildren much.

  • gina delsasso Post author

    If this was my mother in law, she would love my house. Im so organized i have a drawer for just tape. Masking, duct, scotch, painters, and even decorative. Then i have a drawer for just pens. Everything has a place and if some one asks me for so much as a paper clip i know which drawer and where it is located in that drawer. All laundry is put away directly after being washed and i vacuum daily. No one appreciates it though. Does anyone ever say "oh your house is so clean!" No 🙁 but people will harp all over others if their house is messy. I wish people would dish out more compliments is all.

  • Trudy Lee Post author

    I'm black, live in the US, but was not born or raised here and I have heard so many complaints of how dirty and nasty some black women here keep their homes. Why is this not a thing to always keep the home clean? I've even witnessed it myself. I've also witnessed the men being the cleaner ones in the household.

  • LaShonda Young Post author

    I am glad that the truth was finally spoken…now we can work from this point. #if we are emotionally dishonest…it is a disservice and a waste of time to all.#why lie? just tell the truth! #now the healing process can begin.💜💖💜💖

  • Antoinette Johnson Post author

    Her culture is all she knows. Can't hold that against her.

  • Littletree16 Post author

    What’s so interesting about this episode is that A LOT.. and I mean A LOT of direct European males such as German, Dutch, Romanian, Norwegian and Irish men love black women.. it’s the mothers that seem to be having all the problems. 9/10 the German women love black men too… it’s not the nationality it’s the inappropriate attachment that this woman has with her son.

  • WTM wats Post author

    I bet if her daughter was married to a black man, it would be alllll good.

  • ShieAyla Post author

    Sorry no. Filthy is filthy. No one should be living in a place your can't even put down your purse, or a place to hang your coat. Not by MY standards. These are standards dictated by swabbing the place and growing the germs there in a lab! That is what says that is filthy!
    I've seen people live with their house smelling like a litter box, with only one cat as a pet. N to the O ma'am. That's appropriate judgement. That's disgusting by laboratory standards, and if you accept that? I don't want to be in your house.

  • Mari Hearndon Post author

    That's not careful😂😂😂😂

  • Ladi Dodi Post author

    Is she trying to say black people are dirty? What kind of low down underneath condescending crap is that??

  • L. G. Post author

    She is a grandma..she old-school..she's probably set in a way of doing things, to a certain specific order..and certain conditions may not be tolerable to her. She may be prejudice to other races or cultural groups because of it

  • Tomeka Montegue Post author

    WOW!! I’m a black woman and this type of inappropriate behavior from my mother in law has severely ruined my 22 year marriage! She’s always judged me, criticizing me every opportunity she got and telling lies on me. My husband never truly stepped into his manhood and instead of seeing what she was causing in our relationship, he chose to bury his head in the sand like an ostrich! And after 22 years I said NO MORE!! Now he’s mad at me and accusing ME of destroying the family!! Smh. Mother in laws need to learn manners. Respect. And, if the daughter in law is lacking in some area communicate with her and be an elder and teacher for her perhaps. Don’t make nasty comments to your son about his wife bc you are dishonoring and disrespecting him too! Men, cover the wife you chose at all times!! No matter who it is. If you allow your mother to make your wife miserable, your wife will ultimately turn and make you miserable! She will leave you if left unchecked especially if she’s a great wife to you and she’s done her best. I wish that young lady well and I hope her husband steps up for her.

  • Illuminated Bestchoice Post author

    She is aggravated because the daughter-in-law is messy. People who grew up being very orderly and clean feels irritated by such display. Boy, it's itchy, that's why some people cannot coexist. Why on earth can't the daughter-in-law try to clean?

  • Tomeka Montegue Post author

    I’m sitting here looking at the full episode of the show now. I feel so vindicated because the things that Iyanla is saying I’ve being telling my husband for 20 years! Almost word for word. I’ve always told him that his mother treat me like I stole her man! Her behavior was always very nasty, foul, and violent towards me on every hand! I just didn’t understand but it has just worn me out! It’s been 22 years and still the same energy… I can’t live another 5 ,10,20 years like this I’m suffering for no reason and he treats it like it’s no big deal. What his mom does he just wants to be ignored and say it’s ok bc he doesn’t want to truly address her and set serious boundaries. Now, his anger is geared towards me bc I said I’ve had enough. He’s now judgmental and violent towards me because I said I’ve had enough and I’m done after 22 years.

  • Veronica Love Post author

    If your house is a hot mess…its not because of your culture….its cause you are a hot mess period

  • Rome Mem Post author

    I’m sorry but.. I HATE a filthy houses.. no matter the culture! 🤷🏾‍♂️

  • T C Post author

    MOMS RIGHT…THOSE KIDS ARE NEGLECTED.

  • angiebee Post author

    I love me some Iyanla she always finds a way to reveal the truth to people whether they are willing to face the truth or not. She breaks it down for them based on a pattern of behavior that they have established.

  • Jeanette Rudder Post author

    “How YOU WERE RAISED AND YOUR CULTURE AS THE STANDARD”

    She really looks down on them…Iyanla took her to task!

  • emmanuel safari Post author

    Probably that chic is not tidy like many westerneized woman, do,

  • Tiara Countee Post author

    Omg 😒

  • Marci Hill Post author

    So her son is grown now she needs to stay out the way because the way she was raised is totally different

  • Tammy DiGregorio Post author

    Rita Honey seems to me youre gonna be wrong lady I don't care what you do or what you say.

  • Bella Eve Post author

    I'm African American married to born and raised German man. My mother-in-law is the sweetest and most respectful German woman who only shows me respect even while we visit her country. Arrogance and ignorance has nothing to do with Rita's culture.

  • Woo Woo Post author

    ✔️ Executive Order 13037 signed by Bill Clinton 🤔

  • KSR Post author

    I agree with this grandma! Clean up and get some order in that house. If he is working and she is at home…CLEAN IT UP

  • achillies25 Post author

    “Ramesha, is your daughter black🤣🤣🤣🤣Ya think!!! Ah ah a not her!!! typical black woman🤷🏽‍♂️ This woman obviously doesn’t know black women. Iyanla educate the woman will ya!!!😁

  • TaPharoah Post author

    Hmmm. The German chick is giving me ghetto boujee.

  • Renee Wright Post author

    A lot of GERMANY'S are evil as HELL!

  • Black Girls Watch Post author

    The mother is putting her failures as a mother on the daughter in law. Because her son got raped on HER watch. She feels like a failure. That's why she didnt want to hear what happened to him cause she feels it's her fault. It's only the rapist fault. Now she wants to pick apart their marriage and wonders why nobody wants to be around her smh

  • Dazhunique France Post author

    The son needs to lay down some boundaries because the stuff is beyond me!!!!

  • Loulou Willis Post author

    Sometimes people are tired or not as organized and sometimes a little messy. You have to ignore that because belittling his wife is not a good thing and for the record, cleanliness is not a cultural thing.

  • Noel A Post author

    This lady is annoying with her glossy eyed ignorant look. Iyanla is a patient woman

  • sunflower cinna Post author

    Wicked.

  • TheMusicmakesmehigh Post author

    How is she criticisng the cleanliness of a home with a newborn baby? Looool baby's bring mess!!!

  • Jocelyn Murphy Post author

    Most parents judge your parenting . They always know best 🙄

  • cookieinpalmbeach Post author

    No wonder the son married a black woman. This mother and her culture is so cold and lifeless.

  • Janney Swaray Post author

    Culture is one thing but being filthy and not watching your kids is another

  • Sura S Post author

    Its funny how she low key tried to tell her daughter in law that she is not watching her children but where were you when your son was getting raped? How do your judge your daughter in law when you couldn't keep your own son safe against the most horrific situation a child can go through.

  • Danielle Danielle Post author

    Black ppl are to the point, white ppl are passive aggressive. Those are cultural differences. They’ve been married for 7 years and they are still having these kinds of issues. I would just stay away and she insinuated child abuse/neglect with that statement. And the thing with white folks and the way they display disapproval you don’t know what they will do. She said she was trying to be careful next thing you know you getting served papers for a custody battle or CPS knocking on the door all because she think she knows what’s going on. And its a shame black ppl have to break down white ppls behaviors like they are children because they refuse to self evaluate or be honest with how they really feel. She would have a minimal relationship with my children too if I were Renesha.

  • Danielle Danielle Post author

    I don’t necessarily think she is doing anything most mother in laws from these short clips, however it always becomes an extra 3 layers when racial boundaries get into the mix. I’m sure she would have a problem if the mom was perfect lol. She wouldn’t like that her son married a black woman and she would never admit that.

  • Tavon Fenwick Post author

    No, your daughter-in-law is black, not African AmeriKKKan, « black » is NOT a bad word

  • Dani Gomes Post author

    Germans are very judgmental

  • LivingThe VeganLife Post author

    German culture is very structured and they clean regularly. The grandma has a point here.

  • Michelle Powell Post author

    It's not the mother in law's fault the house is dirty. Should she not say anything when her grandchildren live there?

  • Cindy Childs Post author

    I'm sorry. I can't stand a filthy house. However, I do agree that you can not try to make someone else keep their home the way you like it. Her son seems to be fine with it.

  • Tamara Korb Post author

    I'm German…and let me tell you…just like in probably every country we have uneducated trash people, the nicest easy-going people and unfortunately some people like her, who are too conservative, to expand their horizon!

  • Kesha Shells Post author

    I'm German and I miss my family and order and cleanliness is a must. And America is different.

  • Shatoria M. Post author

    6 seconds in and i- whew chile

  • X1XNIKITAX1X Post author

    Despite some of the negative comments I really think this woman has the right intention but the wrong delivery and possibly due to a language barrier.

    I don’t think anyone would want to see their children or their grandchildren living in poor conditions. Sustaining injuries or being neglected.

  • enghy eugene Post author

    Why this goat keep saying in my culture like she don't have nasty in her culture

  • A B Post author

    Black girl not good enough for your white son… just say it racist

  • Marjolein Rijnveld Post author

    I think the mother in law is not very clever with her daughter in law. Nothing to do with race or colour. Germans are obsessively order based. That is the problem. And lack of compassion from UmiS side. Very judgemental, angry that her son "has" to live with dis-order. Who ffing cares? It's his wife, his life, their kids, their choices. Just enjoy being grandma and loosen up with your order in life at least when you are in their house.

  • Elisa Martinez Post author

    Shes uncomfortable around you. You have set standards she cant agree with and feels the need to distance herself and her children. Your son is always your son but they're marriage and lifestyle is between them , you can not have it all mom.

  • Sarah Franks Post author

    I completely understand the grandma and I’m a black woman. Who wants to babysit in filth? Like honestly. Also if anything she is doing what Moms do. The issue is people don’t like correction of any form and wonder why they life falling apart. Anyway.

  • Jennifer Richardson Post author

    She looks like Kate Gosselin

  • Bestread Productionsllc Post author

    I mean if the daughter in law was filthy then that’s a lot to swallow! I would be annoyed too!

  • Bestread Productionsllc Post author

    I don’t want my son marrying a filthy chic no matter what race she was

  • Dorothy Brown Post author

    Miss lyanla is having really difficult or trying to let this lady know you have it's not a problem that he's married to someone that won't clean the house it's a problem because he married to a black woman and you can feel it Miss Lady is not feeling this lady right here I've been watching I don't like her she's a racist is she don't deserve to see her grandkids

  • Selina Davis Post author

    The mum seems ok not horrible. Just is putting the same standards she was raised in onto her son

  • Biniyam Yonas Post author

    Iyanla your amazing may the lord give you more wisdom and grace love you

  • Roarling1 Post author

    Clean is clean my husband is from a black Texan family and they are house proud. They are serious about clean and as I married in, we keep our house clean cause i am not about getting judged. The bottom line i learn that a clean house makes life easier.

  • Sharon Morales Post author

    So as a mom you should guide her your bashing her dammit that’s why she don’t like u lady smh

  • The UPPER ECHELON OF HIGHER THINKING Post author

    I love iyanla!!!!!!!!!

  • C H Post author

    Sounds like she's saying she's nasty. There's nothing "cultural" about cleanliness. Either you're clean or you're not.

  • Fatima Long Post author

    There is nothing wrong with wantingbher grandchildren to not live in filth. I saw nothing wrong with what she said. I'm sure there's a lot more to the story, but anyone who goes to another person's home and see' s it filthy, you're not going to sit down and be happy, you're going to say oh hell no and dip out. Filth brings roaches and rats. I don't blame her.

  • Sherica Douglas Post author

    She is passive aggressive. Also, she needs to let go of what's so different about their cultures and find what they have in common.
    She should find out what her son love about his wife and focus on that.

  • Pam Pam Post author

    It shouldn't be about black, white, yellow, green, blue or red or about status or culture. Bringing up children in a clean environment is the duty of all parents. If one was not brought up appropriately is no excuse for them not to learn about cleanliness.

  • MrS98VAC Post author

    She is coming from a European/German perspective, they look down on all Americans!

  • Paris Hall Post author

    I wouldnt want my grankids living in filth. Grandma didn't say anything wrong to me. By her telling her son that it could be hence he need to clean up too.

  • Beggin4theBEAT Post author

    I swear that if my mother in law ever mentioned that I wasn’t watching my kids that would be the last time she sees them. To even suggest that there is some type of abuse or negligence going on is grounds for your dismissal. 🤷🏾‍♀️

  • M.K. Post author

    It's very very possible that the daughter in law is infact a slob…why is everyone blaming the mother in law. And Iyanla is being extremely biased.

  • Sasha Camryn Post author

    She doesn't like her COLOR. Period!😡 Get over it lady💯

  • Queenly Queenly Post author

    It’s exhausting to be a daughter of a German or polish female. Takes years of therapy if you have a German or polish mother. I don’t wish that upon my worst enemy

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