I read A Court of Wings and Ruin and now I’m an alcoholic

I read A Court of Wings and Ruin and now I’m an alcoholic

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If you have to talk about how big it is, is it really that big? [music] I finally did it. I finally read the entire trilogy of A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas. Was it worth it? Probably not, but you know what this means? It means we fucking hydrate because bitches are thirsty. Today I’m gonna be talking about A Court of Wings and Ruin, which is the third and final book of the Court of Thorns and Roses series by Sarah J. Maas. If you are new here, I’ve been reviewing every book leading up to this momentous occasion I have a review for the first and second book, that I have in the description, but I will go ahead and give you a recap so you don’t have to watch through that shit. It started off as a Beauty and the Beast retelling but instead of a furry beast, he’s a faerie. I bring this up in every review video I’ve made of this series. In the words of Katie’s Book Nook, faeries are basically humans, but with magic and big dicks. That’s it. That’s the sense of the world building. That’s all you need to know. Like Beauty and the Beast, there is a curse, she breaks it with true love, they live happily ever after, the end. And then we have the second book. Wait, this is not it. I can’t remember shit anymore. [slurping] And then we have the second book. This time, Sarah’s like, “Hey, remember Tamlin? The guy that we built up as the sweet love interest that we all need to root for?” Guess what? Fuck that guy! We’re going for Rhysand. He was the bad guy in Book One, but that shit doesn’t matter, because in Book Two, he’s got the bigger dick. You’ve gotta want more in life. When you go to Subway’s, you don’t buy the six-inch. You buy the footlong. Am I right, ladies? Treat yourself. I know what you’re thinking. You’re like, “Wait a minute, if Tamlin’s character was built up in Book One,” “why are we throwing that all away in Book Two? What’s the purpose of that?” “Doesn’t that make the entire first book a complete waste of time?” You know what? Stop asking all these questions. We are hopping on Rhysand’s dick now and at this point, we don’t even remember what Tampon’s name is anymore. Book Two is when the story deviates from the Beauty and the Beast structure because at this point the main character, Feyre, is about to marry Tamlin, but she is really sad because Tamlin is now abusive. She ends up running away with the villain from the first book… Rhysand. That was his name. [laughs] When she runs away with him she finds out that he has this secret city that is basically a utopia where other faeries can coexist and live peacefully, and he’s actually a pretty chill dude. He’s been a good guy all along. He is a huge contrast to Tamlin’s character because now that Tamlin is abusive, Rhysand is, like, this completely different dude who always emphasizes that it is Feyre’s choice. Whenever she wants to do something, he doesn’t hold her back the same way that Tamlin does. He tells her, “You know what? It’s your choice. ‘Cause I invented feminism.” Several sex scenes later, the book eventually ends with Tamlin showing back up again, and he reveals that he let some random king from nowhere invade the faerie land kingdom just to get Feyre back. It was a dumb political move ’cause she don’t even want his ass back. Also, Feyre’s two sisters, Elain and Nesta, fall into a cauldron that turns you into a faerie, which is, like, super-devastating because they did not want pointy ears. Feyre ends up having to offer herself up to Tamlin so that he would let go of Nesta and Elain, and they would be able to run away with Rhysand, and and that is how the book ends — with her being separated from her family and from Rhysand, and being stuck with Tamlin. Which finally leads up to Book Three. What is gonna happen? Well, don’t worry, ’cause I read all 700 pages and now I can tell you exactly what goes down. The book starts with Rhysand’s perspective now, because there’s only so much we can take from Feyre. It opens up with this scene of Rhysand going through a haze of dead bodies, trudging through the ruins of the war It’s kind of like a metaphor of what I’m going through trying to piece together the hot mess that is this story. And I was like, you know what this is kind of interesting because Book Two was such a slough to get through since we were stuck in Feyre’s head the whole time. At least now we can kind of change it up with different character perspectives, but this is the only time that you ever see Rhysand’s perspective. And then for the rest of the book, you’re back with Feyre again, so then it’s like… …what was the point? After that throwaway prologue, you finally get to Chapter One. The book starts off by Feyre painting. I still don’t know what she’s painting to this day. “The painting was a lie. A bright, pretty lie.” Yeah, because you never explain what you actually paint! You just use a bunch of abstract metaphors for color and then you hope the rest of us figure it out. But she is stuck with Tamlin and has to act complacent because we gotta make it really obvious that he’s abusive. “Tamlin nodded, monitoring my every movement as I neared them.” “‘The painting looks beautiful.'” “‘It’s nowhere near done,’ I said, dredging up that girl who has shunned praise and compliments,” “who had wanted to go unnoticed.” Him silencing her is a metaphor for how he silences her. It’s very nuanced. It really makes you think. Feyre continues to be humble and says, “It’s still a mess.” To which Tamlin smiles back and says, “I think we all are.” That is the truest fucking statement you have ever said in this whole series. I agree. I think we all are a mess. I’ll drink to that. What Tamlin doesn’t know though is that Feyre is a badass now. And you can tell this because she’s constantly thinking about how much she’s a badass every other page. While she’s acting submissive on the outside, she has this whole entire plan on the inside, and her plan is to make him a cuck. Book One had Plan A, and the A stands for “Amarantha.” Book Two had Plan B, which is what they need to take. Book Three is Plan C, which stands for “cuck.” We all know that the only way a woman can show how deceptively strong she is is by seducing people. So, she spends the first third of the book trying to make it seem like she’s into Lucien so that there is a sense of tension and distrust between the male faeries. She’s even getting involved politically because she’s having an argument with this other guy, Dagdan, who explains, “The cauldron will study the work they’ve already done” “and magnify it until the wall collapses entirely.” “It is a careful, complex process, and one I doubt your mortal mind can grasp.” To which she replies, “Probably. Though this mortal mind did manage to solve Amarantha’s riddle — and destroy her.” Um… I’m not sure if you want to brag about that, ’cause in Book One, literally everybody knew the answer to the riddle except for you. You didn’t figure it out ’til, like, two people died first. So, I’m not sure if you want to flex that. Like, if you’re gonna brag about how smart and cutting you are, this is not that kind of example that you should reference. One improvement is that one of the side characters, Lucien, finally grew a spine because at the end of Book Two, he realizes that his soulmate is this chick that he met five minutes ago. So now he finally has thoughts of his own instead of being Tamlin’s bitch, but I do want to note this part: Page 345: Lucien offers to do something. “I stepped forward, and didn’t give Lucien time to step back as I hugged him tightly.” “‘Thank you.'” “‘It was time,’ Lucien said quietly, giving me a squeeze. ‘For me to do something.'” Bitch, it took you 300 pages of the last book of the trilogy to finally do something?! Lucien is a late bloomer in the head. But at least he’s finally formulating some own independent thoughts, because now he’s able to run away together with Feyre because he’s like, “Actually, you know, Tamlin is not that cool of a dude after all.” But as they’re trying to run away, they get caught by Ianthe [ee-AN-thee]… …which I think is how you pronounce her name. But she’s like this priestess that tries to make Lucien be a ho for her. So, she has Lucien shackled up, she’s touching him in places he don’t wanna be touched, and then Feyre uses her mind to control Ianthe. She tells the Ianthe to unshackle him. Ianthe does. And then she tells Ianthe to pick up that rock. And she does. Then she says, “Put your right hand on that boulder.” And then she does. And then she says, “Smash your hand with the rock as hard as you can until I tell you to stop.” And then she does. “The hand she’d put on him, on so many others. Ianthe brought the stone up.” “The first impact was a muffled, wet thud. The second was an actual crack. The third drew blood.” “Her arm rose and fell, her body shuddering with the agony. And I said to her very clearly,” “‘You will never touch another person against their will.'” “‘You will never convince yourself that they truly want your advances; that they’re playing games.'” “‘You will never know another’s touch unless they initiate, unless it’s desired by both sides.'” Dayumn! Feyre is shaming that ho for non-consensual sex. She may be annoying, but that scene, dare I say it, kinda savage. Feyre’s like, “If you’re gonna be a ho, you’re gonna be a ho with consent.” Am I gonna ignore the fact that consent was never a thing in the first book with Rhysand? Well, that’s different because he’s a hot guy and you’re a conniving bitch. Feminism! We get to the middle part of the book where Feyre and Lucien reunite with Tamlin and the other side characters who I totally forgot about until they got introduced again. The only character I remember is Cassian just because he had this weird sexual tension with Nesta that was never explained. The group is back together again. There are many hugs. There are many “I miss you”s. There’s banter around the dinner table when they eat because they’re a “found family” now. These groups of characters are the most boring-ass “found family” I have ever read. But it’s nice that Feyre is reunited with her sisters again. In particular, Elain keeps saying that she sees shit and people just think that she’s being delusional, and it takes over 300 pages for them to realize, “Hey, maybe she sees shit because she literally just fell into a cauldron and has powers now.” Everyone approaches Elain like she’s a wounded animal. Lucien just pines for her the entire time while she’s like, “Whose man is this?” Nesta hasn’t changed. She still has a stick up her ass. I only ship her with Cassian because I’m hoping that if she finally gets laid, she won’t be such a bitch. At this point, I want to play a drinking game. Take a shot every time they say “mates,” or say “female” as a noun, or ask a question without a question mark at the end of the sentence, or use an ellipsis for dramatic effect. … You thought Rhysand was woke in Book Two? Just wait ’til you read this shit. Apparently, Rhysand has been saving all these priestesses who have been abused by men. He has taken them in to his shelter and now they all work at this magical library haven. And he always emphasizes that it’s their choice what they want to do, because they have spent their whole lives at the hands of cruel, abusive men. They deserve the right to choose how they want to live the rest of their lives from now on. Last book, he was a feminist. This book, he’s Saint Teresa. When the suffragette movement happened, you know who was in the center of everything? Rhysand. You probably didn’t know that, did you? Of course you wouldn’t, because Rhysand is humble, and he never reveals that he’s a good guy after all, but he was there! There’s this sexy scene where there’s foreplay, and Rhysand suggests that Feyre and him go fucking in the library, but unfortunately later on there are intruders that come into the library and threaten the lives of those women. They end up having to kill them, but Rhysand is still really upset and shook by this because the library was supposed to be a safe place for these women to congregate. Bitch, you were the one who suggested having sex with Feyre in the safe house for victims of sexual assault! That place was gonna get defiled anyway. It was either gonna be tainted from the attack by the war or an attack from Feyre’s taint. So don’t act like you were trying to keep it clean, ya nasty. That being said, I did enjoy — well, “enjoy” is a strong word. I did like better this portrayal of Rhysand and Feyre in this book compared to the other two books. There was this one part where they had a conversation after Feyre spoke out against Rhysand, and she approached him later asking if they were okay because she felt awkward with how she spoke out against him in public, and he’s like, “Of course that’s okay!” “Babe, I want you to challenge me and call me out when I’m misspeaking.” And she’s like, “You know what? I want you to do the same for me too,” even though this shit has no nuance whatsoever. I can appreciate that they are becoming a power couple, and they’re making it very clear, perhaps too clear, but still very clear, that when you are in a relationship with someone, you should feel comfortable to challenge each other and call each other out because that is how you two can truly be equals who are still respectful and supportive of one another. Which leads me to my next point: am I on crack, or is this book actually better? Did I like this book? No. I’m just saying compared to the first two, I thought that the relationship was depicted much better, and I thought the pacing was better, too. Which is weird, because a lot of people complained about the pacing of this book and praised the second book in comparison, and my opinions were the total opposite because the second book dragged on for-fucking-ever At least this one has some stuff going on. Like, actual events happened in this book. When I talked about this in my Goodreads review, there was a comment where someone was like, “Oh, just admit that you like this better because of the sex scenes.” Of course, I liked it better because of the sex scenes! Why else would we be reading this? For the plot? Bitch, what fucking plot?! Where is it?? Where’s the fucking plot?!? You look me in the eye right now and you tell me what the fuck kind of plot there was! Sarah J. Maas described more details in any of the sex scenes than she did for the entire world building or the war. You tell this to my face right now that you disagree. You can’t because I’m right. Why else would we be reading this? For the character development? Bitch, where?! The man you were supposed to root for in the first book isn’t even in this book, like, half the time. His ass got kicked to the curb and even I forgot about him. Which brings me to my next point: 300 pages into this book, Tamlin finally shows up again, and at this point I realize, “Wait a minute…” “Tamlin is still here?” [laughs] I forgot he was the main character ’cause he literally hasn’t been mentioned in the last 200 pages. Imagine starting the series as a Tamlin fan and you’re like, “Man, this guy is just so nice. He’s just so nice and sweet,” then you find out there’s two more books in the series and you’re so excited and you’ll read it and then you’re like, “Wha-what?” Tamlin just gets worse and worse with every fucking book and you’re like … “Wh-whose mans is this?” I like how every time Tamlin shows up, you can just tell that everybody hates him. The other characters, the author, the readers… Every time he shows up, you can feel the collective groan of everybody in the room. They’re like, “Oh my god, this motherfucker again.” It’s kind of funny because now he’s like That Guy. Every time he walks in, people are just like, “Boo, you suck!” Tamlin’s like, “Dude, what the fuck? I was the hero in the first book, and I have PTSD!” “PTSD? More like PT-pussy, because you suck! No one wants you here!” “Man, who the fuck invited this clown?” “You ain’t shit. You were never shit and you will never be shit.” Listen, he’s not the best, but there was this one scene that stood out to me. Tamlin walked into a room. Everybody’s pissed ’cause nobody likes him. Rhysand and Tamlin are about to fucking knock each other out. There’s a lot of tension in the room because Tamlin knows that Feyre has ultimately chosen Rhysand in the end. Tamlin says, “It would seem congratulations are in order.” To which Rhysand replies, “We can discuss the matter at hand later.” And then Tamlin says, “Don’t stop on my account.” Rhysand says, “I’m not in the business of discussing our plans with enemies.” “‘No,’ Tamlin said with equal ease, ‘you’re just in the business of fucking them.'” Bruh I’ll give him that, y’know. Dare I say it, kind of savage. Speaking of savage, I would now like to read out loud the sex scenes. In every scene where they smang, it is always referenced … about their wings because, you know, everybody’s a faerie now. So, wings are an essential part of your body. The wings are very sensitive, and if they get stroked during sex, then the faerie comes. [muffled thump] As I was saying, if you just stroke the wing, then they come. It’s kind of like having a second clitoris. I have tabbed the scenes that I am referencing to so that I can read it out loud to you and for my neighbors, who are listening. So, Rhysand and Feyre are able to communicate with each other using their minds, and they regularly send images to each other. It’s like sexting, but worse. “I sent back an image of me sticking out my tongue at him.” “My clothes were back on when his answer arrived. Like mine, it was wordless, a mere image.” “Like mine, Rhysand’s tongue was out. But it was occupied with doing something else.” What was he doing? Was he licking a lollipop? I really have no clue. Page 138: “Rhys only extended a hand, his own fingers shaking. Even the towel was abrasive against my “toosensitive skin as I laid my hand on his, his calluses scraping as they closed over my fingers.” “I wanted them scraping all over me. But he simply led me into the bedroom,” “step after step, the muscles of his broad back shifting beneath his jacket.” “And lower, the sleek, powerful CUT of thighs, his ass–” “I was going to devour him. From head to toe. I was going to devour him–” From head to toe? (softer) Even his toe?? Bon appe-titty! Why is Feyre talking about the cut of his thighs like she just saw a bunch of chicken thighs at the supermarket? She goes to the frozen section and she’s like, “My, my, my! Look at them thigh, thigh, thighs!” Boner appetit. Now, I want to read my favorite scene. “I stroked my hand over him once, twice — luxuriating in the feel of him, in knowing he was here,” “we were both here. Safe.” “Then I echoed the movement with my mouth. His growls the pleasure filled the tent,” “drowning out the distant cries of the injured and dying. Life and death — hovering so close, whispering in our ears.” “But I tasted Rhys, worshipped him with my hands and mouth and then my body,” “and hoped that this shard of life we offered up, this undimming light between us,” “would drive death a bit further away. At least for another day.” She gave him a blowjob in the middle of a war! There are literally people dying outside their tent, and just gave him a BJ. “Only a few more Illyrians died during the night. But high up in the hills,” “the screams and wails of Tarquin’s people rose to us on plumes of smoke” “from the still-burning fires Hybern had set.” Bitch, how the fuck are you gonna suck a dick while people are literally dying outside?! Can you imagine giving, like, a BJ while people are screaming and begging for their lives outside? Feyre’s like, “Listen, I know there’s a war going on, and people are dying outside our tent,” “and we can all hear their screams of anguish,” “but I really gotta suck that dick. It’s dinner time. Mama’s hungry,” “Especially when I see a cut of that thigh.” This isn’t a sex scene, but it’s still kind of relevant. On page 397, there is a dialogue between Rhys and Cassian. Rhys says, “You’re about to have one hell of a day.” “‘No going back now,’ Cassian said to Rhys, gesturing to his wings. Rhys slid his hands into his pockets.” “‘I figure it’s time for the world to know who really has the largest wingspan.'” [gulps] If you have to talk about how big it is, is it really that big? Do you think Rhysand and Cassian just go in a room together and just whip out their dicks and just measure it just to see? Just to see who holds the record? Just to see for science? Boner appe-titty. And now we get to the ending of the book. Towards the ending, one of the side characters reveals that she is a lesbian. Page 588 is where the monologue begins, and it continues for the next six pages. I will read to you the entire monologue and then speed it up just so that you can feel how long this monologue was. “‘I don’t love Azriel. No, that’s not true, either.'” “‘I — I do love him. As my family. And sometimes I wonder if it can be … more,'” “‘but … I do not love him. Not the way he — he feels for me.'” “The last words were a trembling whisper. ‘Have you ever loved him? That way?'” “‘No.’ She wrapped her arms around herself. ‘No. I don’t…'” “‘…You see … I can’t love him like that. Because I prefer females.'” [indiscernible sped-up speech] “‘I slept with Cassian because I knew it would mean little to him, too.'” “‘Because I knew doing it would buy me a shot of freedom.'” “‘If I had told my parents I preferred females … you’ve met my father.'” “‘He and Beron would have tied me to that marriage bed for Eris. Literally.'” [indiscernible sped-up speech] “‘I sleep with males in part because I enjoy it, but … also to keep people from looking too closely.'” [indiscernible sped-up speech] “‘But I hid it … I’ve hidden it because…’ She tilted back her head, looking skyward.” “‘Because I live in terror of my family finding out — and shaming me,'” “‘hurting me about this one thing that has remained wholly mine. This one part of me.'” “‘I won’t let them … won’t let them destroy it. Or try to. So I rarely … During the War,'” “‘I finally took my first — female lover.'” [indiscernible sped-up speech] “‘Her name was Andromache, and she was … so beautiful. And kind. And I loved her … so much.'” [indiscernible sped-up speech] “‘For three years, I tried over and over, and by the time I managed to find a hole to cross … she had married.'” “‘A man. And had an infant daughter — with another on the way.'” “‘I didn’t set foot inside her castle. Didn’t even try to see her.'” “‘I just turned around and went home.'” [indiscernible sped-up speech] “‘And as for the males … it never went as deep. The bond, I mean. Even if I did still crave — you know,” “every now and then.'” [indiscernible sped-up speech] “‘If I can even work up the courage to tell the world first. My gift is truth–‘” “‘and yet I have been living a lie my entire existence.'” [indiscernible sped-up speech] “‘I wanted to tell you; I realized I wanted to tell you the moment you and Azriel winnowed to Hybern’s camp,'” “‘and the thought of not being able to tell you…’ Her fingers tightened around mine.” “‘I promised the Mother that if you made it back safely, I would tell you.'” [indiscernible sped-up speech] “‘It’s gone for so long. So long.'” “‘I’m petrified to face him — to tell him he spent five hundred years pining for someone and something'” “‘that won’t ever exist.'” “‘The potential fallout … I like things the way they are. Even if I can’t … can’t really be me,'” “‘I … things are good enough.'” [indiscernible sped-up speech] [sighs] This entire scene and monologue was six pages. And you didn’t see this because I read it out loud, but I counted, and there were 70 ellipses. Seven, zero. Seventy. There were so many times where she paused in the middle of her monologue and then repeated her statement all over again. And that is how we end up with a six page monologue about a character who becomes a lesbian for no fucking reason. I’m not homophobic . . . but I don’t think the gays deserve rights. Not after reading this scene. You would think that with this surprising coming out out of nowhere, they wouldn’t even have time to fight in the war. But they do. It’s not shown that they’re fighting in the war. It’s just said that they are. And then Rhysand is gonna die, and Feyre freaks out and she’s screaming, and her world is just crumbling down, and she’s like, “Oh my god, please don’t let him die!” She’s, like, screaming her head off. She’s freaking the fuck out. I’m like, “Dude, calm down, bitch. Just because the book says that ‘he’s dead’ doesn’t mean he’s actually dead.” He’s not gonna die. The dick is too good for him to die. Also, you literally have no identity outside of him. If he’s gone, so are you. And lo and behold, he gets revived again. The war is over, peace has been restored, and now it is time to make amends. Before our series concludes, there must be closure between Feyre and Tamlin. “I had not spoken to him. Had barely seen him after he’d told me to be happy, and given me back my mate.” “He’d left the meeting before I could say anything. So I gave Lucien a note to hand to him if he saw him.” “Which I knew — I knew he would.” “My note to Tamlin was short. It conveyed everything I needed to say.” “‘Thank you. I hope you find happiness, too.'” That’s it? “And I did, not just for what he had done for Rhys,” “but … Even for an immortal, there was not enough time in life to waste it on hatred.” “On feeling it and putting it into the world. So I wished him well–” “I truly did, and hoped that one day … One day, perhaps he would face those insidious fears,” “that destructive rage rotting away inside him.” So, the two are just magically chill with each other now? Every scene between them in this book was just them tossing insults at each other, and now that we get to the end, Feyre’s like, “You know what? Life is too short to be resentful of people. We gotta live, love, laugh.” “Tamlin may have abused me, and I may have insulted him and made him a cuck, but” “I have found peace now, and I hope Tamlin does too.” There wasn’t even like a bridge between how hateful they were to each other to how peaceful and chill they are now. I guess it is an important lesson to remember: Life is too short for hatred, and we have to invest our time and energy wisely, like sucking a dick in a tent while people are dying. That’s the real moral of the story. [sipping] And with that, we are finally done with the trilogy. I wanna say thank you to Sierra from The Book Dragon Reads for getting me the box set of these books. If she hadn’t sent me these books, then these videos never would have existed because I never would have read it. Wait, should I be thanking her? No, but seriously, this series was something that I never would have picked up on my own accord, but even though I didn’t enjoy the books while reading it, I have realized that I found myself enjoying the process of reviewing these books and making these videos and seeing everyone’s reactions and comments to it. So it’s weird because even though I didn’t enjoy the stories, it’s more like I enjoyed the journey of it. I think if it weren’t for BookTube, I wouldn’t have Sorry, I was trying to- not to burp. I think if it weren’t for BookTube, I wouldn’t have enjoyed the series as I have. All of the commentary and all of the stupid jokes and all the demonetized videos that we’ve had, they’ve been a good time. Basically, thanks to Sierra and thanks to you, the viewers who are watching this, and the people who are commenting on this, you have made the series much more enjoyable for me. So I genuinely mean it when I say that I don’t regret this experience at all. Or maybe I have Stockholm Syndrome. Who knows? And before you ask, yes. I will be reading the novella. I’m gonna save that for Christmas because I think the book takes place during Christmas? Or it’s like some kind of Christmas special, so I gotta wait it out until it’s a more appropriate time. But I will read it, and I will continue with my thoughts on that. I also want to thank Skillshare for compensating me for my pain. Skillshare is an online learning community with thousands of classes covering creative and entrepreneurial skills. Premium Membership gives you unlimited access, so you can join the classes and communities that are right for you. Skillshare is also affordable, especially when compared to pricy in-person classes and workshops. An annual subscription is less than ten dollars a month. You know, as much as I’ve trashed on Sarah J. Maas. It is incredible the extent of effort and work that she has put into her books. I’m not saying story-wise or narration-wise or character development-wise, but more so just getting it done. It takes a lot discipline to be able to finish a hefty project like that. And if you are interested in also trying to finish your own novel, a class I want to highlight is called “The Writer’s Toolkit.” The teacher is a novelist that will go through a process that makes writing more approachable and fun, so if you take the class, you’ll get to learn how to optimize your space for your writing style, you’ll get to create a daily writing routine, and you get to gather and act on inspiration. These kinds of tools are really important to build upon so that you can create this long-term writing process and be able to publish your own 700-page book. That shit takes discipline. That shit takes practice. If you want to get better at that, take the Skillshare class, and you don’t have to pay any money because if you use my code, which is in the description, you can get two months of free Skillshare Premium classes. The very last thing I wanna do is give shoutouts. Every time I hit a milestone, I will shout out a smaller BookTuber so that they can get the clout, too. Last time I did this, I had 54K. Now I have 56K. The first BookTuber I want to shout out is Claudio Corvere Books. Claudio deserves a shout out just for his Witchathon wrap-up alone. In that video, he dressed up as me for Halloween, specifically the video where I cried reading Crooked Kingdom. He put these Post-it notes in his hair so that he would mimic my green hair that I had at the time, and he stitched a heart to mimic the sweatshirt that I was wearing at the time. So really he went all out with this shit, and he deserves a shoutout. Even besides that video, he has lot of other great ones. In particular, there is one where he is painting his bookshelf, which I thought was really cool. Check him out. He’s really sweet and obviously super-creative. The second BookTuber I wanna shout out is Reading with Nori. Nori is great. I realized she deserved a shout out because she tweeted something that [clicks] was very true. If you’re into graphic novels, she has a lot of videos about that. In particular, there’s the video that she has for the graphic novel readathon, and she also has some other videos about manga recommendations, and her own manga collection. And what I thought was really cute was the way that she does her TBR videos, which involves a cookie jar. So again, I just like the way that people creatively try to approach those types of BookTube videos. Definitely check her out. All these people are great small BookTubers that you should subscribe to instead and unsubscribe from me. Thanks for watching. Goodbye! ♪ I had a dream that I woke up as you ♪ All that you told me turned out not to be true ♪ I had a dream that I woke up as you ♪ Realised that you’re not perfect too

100 thoughts on “I read A Court of Wings and Ruin and now I’m an alcoholic

  • ThePhoenixIsDead Post author

    Feyre: I was Tamlin's doormat until Rhysand said I could be his wingscratcher

  • Drewski217 Post author

    Destroying the hero of your first book to the point of no recall is so weird? Did the author base him on someone she knew and then grew to hate IRL between books or something??

  • Agatha Lomnev Post author

    Bruh I got lost with the sex scenes, it’s like writing an essay with words limits and just trying fill in the gaps.
    Which concludes with nonsense, absolutely. Fuck, this author is something or ON something when writing this book istg.

  • Varsha Iyer Post author

    HOW did the 6-page monologue get past the editors

  • Gaylien Post author

    feyre was just painting a giant, giant dick

  • Assoluto Cosmico Post author

    You read 700 pgs of a dumpster fire?
    B R U H

  • Kimmy 💜 Post author

    I kinda understand now why this trilogy has sat forgotten on my ebook shelf until now, dooon't quite think imma pick it up anytime soon. I will continue watching the reviews tho cuz these are hilariously entertaining 😂

  • grayhighlight Post author

    GIRL I LOVEED THE SERIES BUT I LOL-ED AT THIS!

  • Tatiana Cueto Post author

    With every variation of bon appetit, I laugh harder.

  • Burntsocks :p Post author

    P.o.v you watch a YouTube video of a girl read a book you've never seen ever

  • Nadja Caitlin Post author

    Yo my church should consider using this book instead of the Bible for conversion therapy because from what I can tell, this book has singlehandedly turned all the gays against lgbtq+ and helped them lose their virginity to the opposite gender.

  • Mona Min Post author

    I'm laughing so hard I'm crying

  • Emily Ok Post author

    This video is the best thing I have seen in my reccomended in a long time. My sides are splitting and I can't finish my glass of wine I'm laughing so hard.

  • AlphaNathan Online Post author

    "…Distancing the cries of the injured and dying…"
    The
    WHAT?

  • AlphaNathan Online Post author

    Lesbian character (I dont know her name): I am a lesbian distance sound of a smart board rolling in and heres my 100 page Google slide as to why

  • Kenn Parrish Post author

    why are you my favorite human

  • bibi_s Post author

    i just watched half hour of a woman i've never heard of before talking shit about a elf porn book i've never heard of before. that's the content i'm here for, thanks algorithm

  • Amber Curtis Post author

    I’m Australian. So I always read them saying mate as really Aussie and bogan 😂

  • wheetamin Post author

    15:18 "ptsd? more like p t pussy" gOd I LOST MY ABSOLUTE MARBLES OVER THIS LINE ASDHFJFKL

  • matilda gunnarsson Post author

    Siiiis her other series is even worse in my opinion. Not only drags it on and on but she changes love interest of the protagonist every book. It’s exhausting. Imagine building up an entire relationship and rooting for the couple, only for it to be completely dismissed in the next book. Now it was like 4 (ish) years ago I read these books so I bet there’s even more awful parts of it that I didn’t think of back then lmfao.

  • Just A Curious Person Post author

    I don't even know this book existed but your video is HILARIOUS! 😂😂😂😂 This book sounds like a wattpad story

  • Feliciana Vargas Post author

    Why the fuck am I watching this?? 😂😂

    I don't know but now I'm subscribed 😂

  • Clock Lord Post author

    I’ll buy…. neither. I like women (gay as heck)

  • Gabrielle King Post author

    Once again your review has made me laugh harder than any comedy show in existence.

  • Elder Fire Post author

    24:29 the book placement is so perfect. Her face is so long 😂

  • Misha Dale Ordonez Post author

    Extremely long comment (again. My apologies everyone.)

    First, I thought the setting took place in medieval times lol (cause faeries seem more for that time period no?) Watching your second review of the second book of this series (and this video on the last book), talking about long monologues reminded me when I read this standalone, novel called Gorgeous by Paul Rudnick, which is a Cinderella story with a unique twist.

    At first I thought, “Huh, interesting concept for the Cinderella format. I’ll keep reading it.”

    But then at some point I was like, “ *STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR F*CKING LIPSTICK! I GET IT! IT’S RED AND REALLY PRETTY!”
    The heroine wouldn’t stop monologuing about a lot of stuff lol.

    So I understand where you’re coming from about long monologues haha.

  • han jisung enthusiast Post author

    i literally blanked out for a few minutes and popped back in just to hear that you were still reading the coming out monologue so if that doesn't say something-

  • thats the tea sis Post author

    after that monologue i don't think i want rights anymore

    also ive seen wattpad fanfics with better character development than this series.

  • Amanda Johnston Post author

    Sis there’s a 4th book

  • Aafiya Post author

    hello please read that bullshit throne of glass series by sarah j maas too. it's like more fae gross smut and more clusterfuck of plot. if i have to read it then you have to too,

  • Chloe Jayy Post author

    I haven't even read or heard of half the books you review but your rantings are just so funny so I keep watching

  • 1-800-EW Post author

    Cindy read this so we didn’t have to

    she’s the new Jesus

  • Azora Knight Post author

    Next target to get shot down ACOFAS!!!!!

  • Azora Knight Post author

    my poison of choice was tequila for how many times she wrote "male smile" and "i realised".

  • Dick Rider Post author

    Bone apple tiddy!

  • chasingrabbits Post author

    Anyway thanks for reading that coming out scene and curing me of gay

  • blair Post author

    I had to double speed up the part that you had already sped up because it was soooo long.

  • LemiaSerenDipity Post author

    i dont even read but who tf is tampon??

  • Leyla Bellare - Creswell Post author

    Ok if you read this hear me out

    I really want you to read throne of glass.
    I mean listen – it’s actually really decent. Sure, it’s not an amazing book with great writing but it’s just fun to read and the character development of the main character is actually not bad.
    When I read this series I hated it but I loved throne of glass. – yes my arguments are mediocre at best but I think you might really enjoy it.
    Oh and you can read the first as a stand alone if you just can’t do it anymore if you really have to. 🙂
    Sorry don’t know how to rant- pls read it

  • Brandi Gilstrap Post author

    I like these books, but I love your reviews on them. You are so spot on about so much, its fucking hilarious.

  • Toasturhz toastbunz Post author

    "I can't remember shit"
    takes a shot of alcohol

    It's not even funny, yet I still laughed.

  • shamim ali Post author

    18:50 this part 😂🙌🏾

  • brak's mom Post author

    ok this came up in my recommendations and i actually love acotar but i have to admit u have some points

  • Jai aye Post author

    I have never read this book or the series but this video was a TRIP.

  • Yoongi’s Chubby Cheeks Post author

    Can you read the Bullied series by Vera Micic/Holins?

  • Heather Chandler Post author

    I’m sorry, all I got from these books was “Shakespeare script”

  • Joyinexpression Post author

    I love a good book roasting. Love these type of videos.

  • Caitlin O'Brien Post author

    Please please read Sarah j Maas other series because I love it a lot but I have to see you trash it bc honestly I think it will be hilarious and your the only person I would love to see hate it

  • shelby lindsey Post author

    all i could think about @ 20:40 was that you became an animal crossing character😂

  • Blue JayJuly Post author

    Oh my Christ the subway bit is what made me subscribe

  • lena rosetti Post author

    I really like these books and thoroughly enjoy your take / review of them!

  • Chronic Fridge Post author

    I remember myself as a 14 year old wanting to read it SO BADLY, and I kinda forgot about this trilogy
    Now, after watching this video I understand, that I truly dodged a "bj on a field" bullet in my angelic heart

  • Lily 1664 Post author

    Ha ha there’s a new book and more coming. The suffrage continues.

  • Blue Potato Post author

    0:31–0:52
    No one :
    Absolutely nobody at all:
    My last two brain cells : tWo SHoTs Of vOdKa

  • Mugly Mae Post author

    One: why was this trash marketed to teens? Did the adult genre section of the publishing firm say no?
    Two: if reading a book drives you to drink, then that book is bad
    Three: the author wrote another series that I was told was just as bad

  • Santana Stihl Post author

    Please do the black dagger series

  • lotus lotus Post author

    Girl I thank you so much I haven't laughed so much for a long time 😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • Zarra Elliott Post author

    Girl I’m worried for your liver

  • Mikhiel A. Clarke Post author

    "Like sucking a dick, in a tent, while people are dying. That's the real moral of the story."

    Dont you mean oral of the story?

  • Baz Post author

    I thought I was a Bi enby but then the coming out scene started existing and now I’m a straight woman with strong Christian values

  • adinda barliani Post author

    GURL UR FUNNY IM SUBSCRIBING

  • Marja Ebel Post author

    …. You go for the bigger d*ick. Treat yo self! I’m dead. Done. Haaaaahahahaha I loooooove you!!!! Xxxx

  • Pixu Chan Post author

    Would this be considered as self harm

  • Pax to the max Post author

    i literally couldnt get past chapter 1 on the first book so props to you

  • ChaoticKao Post author

    I tried to read the other series, I am completely unable to finish it because feel dumb reading it

  • Imagination Fox04 Post author

    "Last book, he was a feminist. This book, he Saint Theresa"

    THAT'S IT! I'M BEYOND DEAD. IMMEDIATE SUBSCRIBE

  • Te Rama Kerr Post author

    This series sounds even worse than Throne of Glass. Is that even possible?

  • Elena D Post author

    I've read the first book of this series and was extreeeeemely disappointed. And I can't decide if your video was a reason PRO or AGAINST reading the other two books!

  • Filoli Jade Post author

    When i saw the word mate in the title I literally thought it meant mate as in the nickname british and australian people use and not like you know……mate

  • mythiccyno Post author

    oh boye, here we go

  • peachie yohgort Post author

    P.O.V: We're her neighbor and our parents don't let us read books, so everytime Cindy makes a video, we rush into this one special spot to listen to her talk about books like fairy pr0n tales.

  • Kaz Brekker Post author

    this helped me with my night anxiety 😀

  • Larkito 32 Post author

    I’m still not over the fact that my friends used to talk about how great these books were during lunchtime. I didn’t know they were fairy porn holy shit

  • the cyber cat Post author

    I literally tapped this video on accident and now this is my most favorite video on YouTube. I was drawing and when the wingspan part came on I literally gasped and went quiet. Amazing video. 💀✨💖✨

  • Normal Blog TM Post author

    0:32 two shots of vodka…

  • Rise Post author

    15:59
    That must be the most rad and savage line I've ever heard, omg

  • georgia schmiedel Post author

    forget conversion camps this monologue is the next best thing to rid me off my homosexuality

  • Ketutar Jensen Post author

    9:20 Actually, she is forcing her to do things she doesn't want to do and wouldn't do if she could stop it… isn't that kind of a rape? And not feminist actually at all. How can you tell someone it's wrong to force people do things against their will by forcing them do things against their will?

  • Carrie Thomas Post author

    This reminds me of my reaction to rereading Sherrilyn Kenyon's "The League" series. It's the only series I've continued to read from her and it is pretty cringey. I still Iove the characters but god, I wish it could be re-written. It's pretty sexist(not too bad but for a book written by a woman and supposedly has a lot of badass females, it sure is written somewhat against women. Most of the "badass" women tend to take a step back when the big strong men come and save the day. The women usually have good fighting experience but always gets her ass beat and then the man goes sicko mode) and pretty stereotypical about gay people. Also, everyone is white and like slightly tan, like each man looks exactly the same and pretty much every woman is also thin and white.

  • Molly Coates Post author

    Ok guys. As a former sjm fan girl imma say it. The last book in all of her series are trash no matter what. She refuses to kill the characters!! The way she sets shit up, it should be “they all die the end”. Like I can kind of be ok with the rest of the books. But for gods sake kill a few more people will ya?

  • charlotte B Post author

    "Am I right ladies? Treat yourself" I'm already dying 😂😂😂

  • razz matazz Post author

    im super gay so the lesbian coming out as a lesbian but continually bringing up that she likes sleeping with men though gives me heartburn

  • Benjamin Bamba Post author

    😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

  • Mel Post author

    You can tell a straight person wrote that poor lesbian

  • Kaia Keefe Post author

    wow!!! i'm no longer a lesbian thanks. that coming out scene. i'm

  • Creeper Awwwe man Post author

    I read it a while ago and I used to love it in middle school, in eighth grade I realized how shit it was.

  • dEmily Post author

    "He's a late bloomer…in the head." 😂😂😂😂😂😂

  • Rylee Roo Post author

    I actually liked the series…
    ToG was much better but ACOTAR wasn’t bad

  • thedailydanny Post author

    omfg… you need to read the novella too,, feyre and rhysand were so horny i cannot-

  • Gabriel Watson Post author

    I rather light myself on fire and take a bath in a volcano while watching furry porn in front of my fam then read one page of that book……………

    I’ve finished book one chill

  • genesis rojas Post author

    And this video it's the reason cause I didn't end to read the trilogy when I had been read the end to the first book my mind was like really with the bad guy and then the start to the second the kidnapped girl dating with her torturer yes fantastical magical word but a pretty awkward story thanks for stop me to read this trilogy your personality it's so admired and charismatic

  • Nicko Mocanu Post author

    Cindy: "I'll take a shot everytime Sarah J. Maas writes the word "mate". What could possibly-"
    Also Cindy: "I'M GONNA DIE!!!!"

  • Meili Monk Post author

    tha vodka in a nalgene bottle is so davis

  • Beven W Post author

    I'm surprised a lot of YA is placed in regular genres like fiction and fantasy when they have details about sex and genitalia

  • Summi Nguyen Post author

    i got asthma from laughing too hard… thank you

  • Olivia Paulk Post author

    Does the author, like, know what a lesbian is

  • 「和紙太陽 」 Post author

    THIS IS THE FIRST VIDEO IVE SEEN ON YOUR CHANNEL AND I LOVE YOU ALREADY

  • ARMY AMY Post author

    I loved this video SO MUCH!!!! XD XD XD

  • Zyon Henderson Post author

    Man….
    I just subsricbed to Daniel Green because I want to learn about the Wheel of Time and StormLight Archive
    So youtube decides to recommended a book review about smut fairies described by what I guess to be a sassy asain lady….

    Fuck it here's a sub 👍

  • itsyaboi _scoopsahoy Post author

    as a bisexual that monologue wanted me to 'un-gay' myself

    also…

    BONER APPLE TITTIE

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